


Light in the Corners

by TheBlueBicycle



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Ages will change, Childhood Friends, M/M, Rick's born during the apocalypse, Teen Negan, Time Skips, Young Rick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2018-12-18 20:12:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11881965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlueBicycle/pseuds/TheBlueBicycle
Summary: The one where Rick is born during the apocalypse, meets Negan and they kind of become best friends.





	1. Chapter One

Rick stared around the forest and wondered how exactly he'd gotten into this situation. 

He wasn't supposed to be out here without an adult, that he knew for sure. Carol had told him so. Carol also told him that monsters might snatch him up one day but what did that woman know anyways? 

He felt a bit guilty for the thought, knowing that there were reasons for why Carol spoke the way that she did. Herschel had sat him down one day and spoke of a tale long ago about a farm that they'd stayed at and of a little girl who'd been lost in the woods and couldn't be saved. This situation felt eerily familiar to the story. 

The little boy ignored his own clammy hands and twisting stomach and went through the forest, brow determined. He was here for one reason and one reason only. 

Daryl Dixon's vest. 

One of Daryl's prized possessions was his vest. Too big and worn out but he'd mumbled out a few times that his brother had given it to him. The point was that one of the older boys at Alexandria had snatched up the angel wing vest and had taken it with them when they'd gone outside the walls and had left it out there, taunting Daryl and saying that he should just go and get it if he wanted it back so badly. 

And Daryl was going to. But here's the thing. Daryl was a kid. A small kid. Seven years old, the ten year old thought to himself with a sigh. Daryl was practically a baby. So he had to go get it. 

That, and Daryl's father had been exiled from their community recently. Daryl had been a bit down about that along with the vest so he had to do something for his friends sake.

He'd skipped out of their school and had ran through a small opening in the walls that not many knew of. The child went through the forest quietly, trying to find the nearby pond. That's where all of the older boys hung out. A shack was right by the pond where the boys stayed and stashed items that they snatched up with their sticky fingers. 

It had to be around here somewhere, Rick thought to himself. 

The little boy had been walking for nearly a half hour before he realized that one, the pond was only supposed to be a few minutes from Alexandria, two, he'd never seen that tree before and three, he was probably going to miss lunch. 

A little bit of anxiety rose in his stomach but he kept marching on, fingers resting on the knife against his hip. It was nearly the same size of his forearm and he wasn't supposed to touch the knife unless getting permission first.. But he had to protect himself somehow against the monsters. 

The curly headed boy went on and it was only another half hour later that he realized that he was completely and hopelessly lost. And if no one was there to see how he crumpled to the ground with a tear rolling down his cheek? Well, that was no one's business but his own. 

The child was beginning to think that this had all been a bad idea. But.. He needed to get the vest back. For Daryl. So Daryl would be happy.

The sun was getting a bit hotter, sweat rolling over his face. Thankfully he'd only ran into one of the dead and it had sent him sprinting in the opposite direction. That's what he was supposed to do. Run instead of fight. At least until he was older and had huge, bulging muscles. Because that was gonna happen, he told himself. 

In all honesty Rick wasn't paying attention to where he was going. He missed home, he was hungry and he wanted to go lay down on his bed or get a big hug from Herschel. 

His feet were stomping loudly at this point and eventually he was scooped up, yelping. 

He'd stepped into a trap. Probably meant for animals but it'd gotten him instead. A rope was tied around his ankle and holding him upside down from a tree. 

"Hello?" Rick called out, squirming around upside down. "Anyone?"

And in hind sight, maybe yelling hadn't been a good idea when a walker strolled up to him. 

Rick's eyes went wide, squirming even more as he grappled for his knife. It was getting closer, only a few feet away. He got his fingers onto the handle of the knife but it slipped and fell to the ground, his small hands too clammy to have held onto it. 

"No!" One arm reached out for him, rotted and missing a few fingers. He felt it brush against his cheek. And then blood was splattering all over him. 

"Jesus Christ, kid! Are you trying to get eaten?" 

Then the voice snorted. "Hell, he's even bite sized. A walker snack."

Slowly Rick opened his eyes, still hanging upside down but his skin was covered in blood and decay. His little hands came up and wiped some of it out of his eyes as he looked at the person standing there. The walker was on the ground with its head bashed in.

The teen was tall and had black hair, wearing a leather jacket. Who wears a leather jacket in this heat, he questioned silently. What he noticed more than anything was the baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. The bat that had saved him. 

Rick blinked. 

"What, you don't have anything to say to me? No thank you? How about a Negan you're the best?" 

Beside him a girl appeared, rolling her eyes. "Negan, just cut the kid down." 

The leather jacket covered teen glared, "Don't tell me what to do. You know what? Maybe I'll just leave him up there, swinging around like a doughnut for all those walkers." 

"What's a doughnut?" Rick blurted out, very confused. Most of Rick's meals consisted of whatever was grown from the ground and from their livestock. 

The boy, Negan, rounded on him with wide eyes. "What the hell do you mean, what's a doughnut? Christ, don't people educate their young ones anymore?" 

The child only cocked his head to the side, not understanding. 

"A doughnut. A frosting covered pastry that tastes like heaven?" 

"Negan, he's a kid and his face is turning red and it's not because of the blood. Cut him down." 

The teenaged boy gave a loud groan, "Dear God, woman. You sound like my mother, quit trying to order me around." 

But then all of a sudden Rick was cut down, landing on the ground with an 'oof.' The impact hurt and soon enough his eyes were filling with tears. 

"Really, Dwight?" 

And then a heavy sigh was heard and Negan was knelt in front of him. "C'mon, kid." He murmured in a surprisingly soft voice. "Quit that crying shit, it's time to get going." 

Rick stared in confusion, "Go where?" 

A slow grin spread onto Negan's face, "We're going to the sanctuary." 

He was definitely going to miss dinner. Rick frowned.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Shit, you're a dumbass."

Rick isn't stupid. He knows all about the Sanctuary. He's heard the way that the adults whisper about it, never wanting the children to hear. The teachers educate them on it, teaching them the main communities around them. Hilltop, the Sanctuary and of course Alexandria which they live in. They're taught about how they're at peace with all communities and they trade regularly. 

The older kids have different opinions about that. From what Rick's heard if you're taken to the Sanctuary then you never come back. That makes him very uneasy considering this was supposed to only be a five minute trip outside the walls. 

He supposes they're rivals of sorts. He can tell the difference with the communities with the way that he's allowed to go visit Hilltop but he's never once been to the Sanctuary. 

A yell brings Rick back to reality. The three teens have been arguing for around five minutes now. 

"You're a fucking idiot!"

"Oh, and you're any better? You want to take a kid-- A kid that we don't even know, to the Sanctuary." 

Negan gives a growl of annoyance and turns to Rick who's sitting by himself on a rock, looking warily at them. "Kid, what's your name?" 

The child frowns to himself, drawing patterns in the dirt with his knife. "Rick." Then he pauses, unsure if he should go on. "I'm from Alexandria." 

Everyone seems to pale at that and the blonde one, Dwight, steps up. "No, absolutely not. We're not kidnapping some kid from Alexandria. Not when things have just gotten better with them. Simon would kill us. You get that, right?" 

Negan only rolls his eyes, "He would not. He's a softy. And besides, it's not kidnapping. I don't know the route to Alexandria. Not to mention some trigger happy fuck head might just go ahead and shoot us if we show up there alone. And we were supposed to be back around an hour ago. You really want to delay us getting back even more?" 

The girl that he's come to know as Sherry gives a frustrated noise. "Arguing about it isn't going to help." Her face becomes pinched and she crosses her arms. "I.. I'm siding with Negan on this one." 

Dwight's eyes go wide with betrayal and Negan throws his head back, cackling. 

"He has a point, Dwight. We can't go to Alexandria by ourselves. We should take Rick to the Sanctuary and let one of the adults take care of it." 

Dwight sighs, "Fine. Let's get him and leave, then." 

They all turn to the rock only to find that Rick is gone. 

 

\---------------

 

Rick is running. 

He doesn't want to go to the Sanctuary. He wants to go home. He wants Herschel and Carol. 

His small legs don't carry him far too fast but he tries the best he can, heart beating faster when he hears a whistle. It makes his skin crawl, pushing himself to go faster. 

"C'mon, kid. You aren't making it that far." 

Rick keeps running. 

"Come out, come out wherever you are!" It's sing song like but it doesn't settle him. 

The whistles seem to get more frequent, closer. In Rick's haste he doesn't notice the large rock in his path. He trips over it carelessly, tumbling down to the ground and banging his head on something hard. His world goes fuzzy and the last thing he remembers seeing is Negan's face, pulled in a grimace. 

"Shit, you're a dumbass."

 

\---------------

 

When he wakes up the sky is a little darker and his head hurts. Instantly Rick's eyes are blurry with tears, one threatening to slip down his cheek when he realizes that he is still with Negan, Sherry and Dwight. It's not that he doesn't trust them but he wants to go home. He doesn't know them. Carol said to never trust strangers, to run away if he ever met one. Rick supposed that it had to count for something that he tried to run away, considering that he's finding himself already less wary around them.

"Hey, you're up!" It's the leather jacket wearing teen. "Great! We thought you'd offed yourself for good." 

"Negan," Sherry hissed from her spot beside Dwight. 

They're in the woods, he can see that but he can also see a road nearby. They're all sat down, looking like they've been camped here for some time. At least an hour or two, Rick decided to himself.

Negan must have notice the tear filled eyes because his facial expression went scared and uncomfortable. "Again? Sherry, will you get over here? I dunno how the hell to deal with this." 

Rick glared at the older boy and rubbed roughly at his eyes, "Leave me alone. I want to go home." 

"Home? We're almost to the Sanctuary." 

"The Sanctuary isn't my home." 

"No shit but you're not going there tonight." 

The child pushed himself up, head still throbbing. "I'm going home." 

Negan glared right back, "The hell you are." 

"Watch me!" And with that Rick stomped off, all crossed arms and petulance into a random direction in the woods. 

The curly headed boy yelped when he was suddenly picked up and tossed onto the shoulder of Negan, his face now looking at Negan's back. 

"Lemme down!" He pounded his small fists against Negan's back. "Lemme go! I need to leave!" He kicked his legs out, not doing much damage if the way that Negan's chuckles are saying anything. Negan started walking and Dwight and Sherry follow from behind. 

"Now, it looks like I'm going to have to carry you the rest of the way since I can't trust you not to run. We can't afford you killing any more daylight with the sun already going down." The other two friends seem amused and share smiles with each other as they walk on. "Say, kid. How old are you? You're light as a feather." 

"I'm ten," Rick muttered. He'd propped his head up on his hands, elbows supported by the teen's back. 

"Ten?" Negan snorts. "Shit, you are small. You don't look it, I'll tell you that. I thought you were six or seven." 

Rick's eyes went wide, appalled that he'd been confused for someone who's Daryl's age. 

"I'm ten!" He fired back, cheeks coloring in embarrassment. "And I'm not done growing yet!" 

Negan laughed to himself as did Dwight and Sherry. 

They went on like that for awhile, Rick tossed over Negan's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. The child relaxed eventually, watching the way that Negan shielded him from stray walkers, wielding his bat in his free hand. The older boy didn't shield his eyes but angled his body away from it.

Rick didn't mind, he'd seen it all before. He watched with a blank look in his eyes and a stillness about him, his heart pounding away faster than before, fingers knotting subtly into Negan's jacket. Sometimes he still didn't understand why these things wanted to hurt them, or sometimes he slipped up and forgot that they couldn't understand reason. Herschel had always described it as a sickness, as the undead that needed to be put down, while Carol described them more as monsters.

Eventually the teen spoke again, "Your head still hurt?" His voice was softer. 

Rick nodded. It was pounding and part of his head had dried blood on it. "I wanna go home," Rick spoke softly. "Carol would know how to fix my head." 

"Yeah? Who's Carol?" 

The boy struggled for an answer, "She's my.. My.. " His face twisted as he thought. He didn't have a mother. He didn't have a father. Herschel and Carol talked about them a lot but they were gone now. "She's my Carol." His little shoulders shrugged. 

Negan was quiet for a little bit and his voice turned strangely soft. "Don't worry, yeah? We're gonna have you home by tomorrow. But you need to come with us for tonight. We've got a doctor who can fix that head of yours right up." 

Rick relaxed even more at the words, finding that he trusted them. His head throbbed again and his body tensed up, face pulling in a frown. His body hurt. His head, his elbows and back from where he'd been dropped and his feet from walking so much. For a moment he was glad that Negan was carrying him because he knew that he couldn't have kept up. 

Eventually Negan noticed the change in him and huffed. "Alright, we're changing things." 

In a matter of minutes Rick was supported on Negan's back, the older boy giving him a piggy back ride. The blood wasn't rushing to his head like this. 

"Thanks, Negan." Rick murmured, letting his head rest against the curve of the others shoulder, his arms laced around his neck. 

He fell asleep three minutes later.

 

\---------------

 

It was dark by the time that the four of them got to the looming factory that they called home. Or, all of them except Rick. It'd been rebuilt well. There were still some parts that they didn't allow people into because the structure just isn't stable enough but overall it was okay in their eyes.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Negan asked as they neared the Sanctuary, walking up the gravel path. 

Dwight gave him an odd look and but Sherry piped up soon enough. "I think the blood on him is making him look worse than what he is. He's tired, too. He'll be fine." There's a firmness to her voice. 

The other teen rolled his eyes, his stringy blonde hair falling over his face. "Why do you even care?" 

That got Negan to bristle, "I don't." He huffed, jaw clenching. "If he's dumb enough to go out by himself like that he'll be dead in a few years anyways." 

A quiet fell over the group as they walked into the Sanctuary moments later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm thinking of giving this a shot. Please leave kudos if you liked or gimme a comment below with some feedback. It's all super appreciated, thanks all! :)


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I like potatoes," He mumbled, making Negan sigh.

"You brought someone here. You brought a kid here. A kid from Alexandria." Simon was pacing in front of the three teens. 

Dwight refused to look the man in the eye and Sherry had her arms crossed, that same pinched look on her face that seemed to rest there most days. 

Negan sighed, "C'mon, Simon. Is it really that bad?" 

Simon whirled on him. "We have a kid from a community that is not our own. That's also known as kidnapping!" With each yelled out word Simon's bushy eyebrows seemed to climb an inch up his forehead. 

"Fuck, why does everyone keep using that word? It's not kidnapping. Did you want us to leave him out there to die? The kid's tiny!" 

Dwight decided to then pipe up, "He's actually ten. Don't let his size fool you." 

The leather jacket wearing teen sneered at him, "Shut up! You're just all bent out of shape because this wonderful lady decided to side with me." Negan leered good naturedly at Sherry before parting his lips and giving her a wink, his tongue coming out to tease at his lips. 

Sherry only narrowed her eyes and huffed, uncrossing her arms before looking at Simon. "Negan wasn't lying to you. He was hung up in a trap when we found him and none of us knew the route to Alexandria. Have someone return him in the morning." With that the girl went stalking off and out of the room. 

Simon frowned heavily, "I didn't dismiss you!" 

He was answered by a heavy door opening and closing as she left. 

The man sighed and ran a hand through his balding head of dark hair. "Negan, you're coming with me tomorrow when we take him back." Negan opened his mouth to argue but was cut off. "Nope! You found him, you're returning him. No arguing." 

Simon then looked at them, "Now both of you get out of my sight. I need to get drunk-- Or eat some gelato." 

 

\---------------

 

Rick woke up on a white bed. The window outside showed that it was dark, still sometime in the night. He frowned, Carol's name on his lips. 

And then it all came rushing back. The last thing he remembered was being on Negan's back, his head tucked comfortably against the older boy's shoulder. 

A noise startled him. "Good, you're up." A man that he hadn't seen before came towards him, dressed in regular clothes but he had something around his neck. It was something that he'd seen before in the doctor's office at Alexandria. 

Still, Rick recoiled. He scooted himself to the edge of the bed and reached up to feel the odd wrapping around his head. Bandages, he thinks to himself. "Who are you?" 

The man held his hands up in surrender, "I'm Doctor Carson. Sorry about that, I'm used to the people knowing me. You however did have quite the bump on your head and a bit of blood covering you. A nice sized cut, too. What'd you do?" 

Rick pouted hard at his feet, "A rock. A rock hit me." 

The doctor seemed to find this funny, smiling with light in his eyes. "A rock, huh? And how did that rock get there?" 

That got the child to blush. "I tripped while I was running."

The man got a concerned look on his face, "And what were you running from?" 

"Negan." 

Doctor Carson's eyes went wide and just then the sixteen year old burst through the room. Rick looked over, relieved to see someone that he knew. 

"Negan," He breathed out with wide eyes. 

The teen nodded to him, "You're up again." 

The kid huffed, "People keep saying that to me." 

That got Negan to roll his eyes, "If you don't like it you should stop being a dumbass and quit hitting your head on things that make you pass out." 

Rick crossed his arms, "You made me run." 

"I did not." 

Rick pursed his lips, "I was running from you." 

"Yeah, because you're a dumbass." It came with an eye roll. 

"Boys," The doctor broke in with a concerned look on his face. They both looked to him at once. 

"I.. " He cleared his throat. "Simon informed me that after Rick was medically cleared he was to stay under your super vision. You need to find him one of the spare cots and make sure he comes to me in the morning so I can check his head." 

Negan rounded on the man, "He said what?" 

Carson took a step back, a bit intimidated by a teen who he was considerably older than. "Simon's orders. You'll need to look out for him. He should be going to sleep soon. It shouldn't be hard." 

"I had plans, doc. You look after him." 

The other shook his head and grabbed at a notebook of his own. "It's getting late and I have other patients to attend to. Look after him." 

And with that, he left. 

Negan scowled down at Rick, arms crossed. Rick matched him, his own eyes narrowed at the boy with hurt swirling around in his heart. He tried to banish it, telling himself that he didn't care if Negan didn't want to be stuck with him. He didn't care because Negan was just big, mean and stupid. With that Rick pushed himself down and off of the table, reaching for the door. 

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" 

"Home." 

A deep sigh sounded from the teen. "Are we really doing this again? I already told you, you can't go home yet. We'll take you back home tomorrow." 

Rick didn't listen and instead went out into the hall, Negan following close behind. He looked at his options. He could go left, right, up that stairs case or into three other rooms that he saw doors for. Panic started to eat at his insides, threatening to swallow him up whole. 

That's when a hand landed down heavily on his shoulder, "C'mon, kid. There's no point in this shit. I told you already that you'll be home tomorrow." Negan's voice was softer and it put the child at ease. 

Eventually Rick mumbled, "I'm not a kid." 

Negan snorted, "No. Of course you're not, kid. Now let's go. You should eat something before you go to bed." 

This time Rick didn't argue and he was led by Negan to the kitchens, the walls high and the halls seeming endless. 

"Why's this place so big?" 

"Why are you so small?" Negan retorted. 

Rick shook his head, "I told you already I'm not done growing. I'm going to be tall. Taller than you one day." 

The teen gave him an unimpressed look, "Somehow I highly doubt that." 

And with that he scooped Rick up by his armpits and set him on the table before rifling through the different cabinets in the kitchen. It was dark but the moon shown in as did a large fire from the next room, illuminating things enough. Eventually his hand snagged onto something that he was looking for and he pulled out a bag of chips. 

"What're those?" Rick asked with wide eyes. 

Negan's mouth dropped, "What are.. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with Alexandria? What the hell do they feed you there?" 

The kid shrugged, looking warily at the bag. "We grow things. Like beans," He gave a wide smile. "Herschel let's me help in the garden. He says one day I can even take it over." 

Negan cocked his head to the side, "Who's Herschel?" 

Rick struggled for an answer like he had earlier that night. "He.. He's.. " 

"He's like the other one you mentioned. Carol?" 

Rick nodded his head. 

"Guess I should've figured, you and the other communities are all about the farming," He spoke in a dry tone. 

The boy sat on the counter, legs swinging. "How do you get your food, then?" 

That made Negan halt, thinking for a moment. "Well, we.. " He pressed his lips together. "We farm a little. We trade, mostly. Found these baby's in a factory awhile back and we're drowning in them." Negan opened the bag, greeted by a blessed, artificial cheesy smell. "Here, think about it like this. They're potatoes but these potatoes actually taste good." 

Rick took a chip that was offered and stared at it, eyes incredibly wide. "I like potatoes," He mumbled, making Negan sigh. 

"Just try it, will ya?" 

Between the two of them they finished the bag in under ten minutes.

 

\---------------

 

"This is where you're gonna sleep." 

Negan and Rick were standing at the edge of the room. It's a spare, one that they use for storage. It's dark with boxes filling up half of it but Negan set up a cot on the other half. 

Rick swallowed hard and stared. It's not that he's.. Scared, because that would be ridiculous. He's not scared. This is just different from his own room at Alexandria. His room has two windows in it to let in sun and he has a nice bed with warm sheets. Sometimes he even has company when Daryl stays over. This has no window. For some reason that unnerves him. There's no moon showing through and the room would be pitch black but Negan has the door open, allowing the light from the halls to shine inside. 

"Alright, well.. Go on, get to sleep." Negan pushed at his shoulder and went to shut the door before Rick whirled around. 

"Wait!" He yelled. 

The older boy halts with a cocked brow. "Yeah?" 

Rick shifted on his feet, unsure of how to stall. "I... I'm not tired yet." 

That earned him another eye roll. "Kid, you're swaying on your feet and your eyes are half lidded." 

"I'm not tired," Rick crossed his arms and tried to put on a defiant look. 

"Frankly I don't give one shit if you're not tired. You're going in that room and you're shutting those eyes, and you're going to fucking sleep." 

Rick, all skinny limbs and small height burst forward and aside of Negan, getting past the older boy and the door. 

"Rick!" He can hear Negan already coming after him but Rick's decided to run. He has no idea where he's going and it's dark in these halls but he chose a random door and pushed through it. 

Cool, night air washed over him and Negan plucked him up off of the ground. 

"Shit, kid. What is with you and running away? Do you have any idea how close you were to running straight off this platform? Fuck, you're stupid." 

Rick's heart is racing wildly, in Negan's arms but looking down. He'd ran straight out onto a balcony of sorts. He could have easily ran straight off of it and then have plummeted several feet to the ground. 

"I-- " The boy's hands scrabbled, holding tight to Negan's leather jacket. "I'm sorry, I didn't- " 

"Yeah, you didn't fucking think!" 

"I didn't mean to.. " 

"Didn't mean to what? Be a complete fucking idiot and almost get yourself killed?" Negan's yelling and Rick is flinching, still in the older teen's arms and having no where to hide from the words. Rick's eyes blink rapidly, trying to focus on something else but his body is tense. 

Negan notices. "Shit, kid.. " It comes with a sigh. "Look, I didn't mean to yell." He's set down onto the ground and Negan bends, looking at him. "You just can't go running off like that. What would that one lady-- Fuckin', Carla-- Carol, what would she think? I'm trying to get you back home safely. You're not helping that any." 

Rick nodded, feeling his gut twist around with guilt. "I'm sorry." 

"It's okay, just don't go doing it again." The other sighed again. "How about this.. We'll take a walk around until you get tired and then we'll figure out sleeping arrangement's, yeah?" 

That got Rick's face to brighten and the younger one gave Negan a small smile.

 

\---------------

 

The two end up walking outside, looking over the walls. He can hear growls but he can't see far enough to spot where it's coming from. There's movement by the fences but Negan only pats his head and directs his attention to a different place. 

"Don't pay attention to those fuckers, they'll be gone by morning." 

Rick nods his head and doesn't ask for the other to elaborate. He knows what gone means. Gone will mean a sharp object through the head. He did it himself. One time. He doesn't like to think about it. 

They kept walking, around and over to the other side of the sanctuary. It's a long walk. 

"You never did tell me why you were out in those woods." 

"Had to get something." 

Negan cocked a brow, "You had to get something? I think it's safe to say that the adults didn't know that you weaseled your way out." 

Rick's cheeks warmed and he shook his head. "I don't like breaking rules. I'm not supposed to break rules, but.. It was important." 

His brow furrowed. "What did you need to get?" 

"A vest." 

The teen looked down at him, snorting. "You were looking for a vest. In a forest. Christ, you confuse the hell out of me, kid." 

Rick jutted his bottom lip out, "I knew it was out there. Someone took it from my friend and left it outside the walls. I knew where there took it, too. Out to the shack by the pond." The boy's shoulders slumped. "I just.. I didn't know how to get to the pond. Or the shack." 

"Lemme get this straight," Negan started out. "Someone took a vest from your friend and left it outside the walls. So you thought it'd be a good idea to go out and get it. By yourself. You, the kid standing in front of me that must weigh around fifty pounds soaking wet." 

Rick stood up a little straighter, defensive. "It was an important vest. And I weigh more than that." 

Negan snorted, "I have no doubt about that, kid." His head shook, "I'll give it to ya, you're brave. Stupid, but brave. Don't do that shit again." 

They kept walking, "Does that happen a lot? Kids picking on you and your friend?" 

Rick bit on his bottom lip, thinking about it. "I dunno," His shoulders shrugged. "Mostly they just tease us. It wasn't nice of them to take Daryl's vest, though." He frowned down at his feet. "I wish I could've gotten it for him. That was the whole point of this." 

Negan shook his head, "Next time tell someone. An adult. I'm guessing those kids were my age. Not everyone's as cool and just overall fuckin' nice as I am. Tell Carla next time." 

Rick rolled his eyes, "Carol." 

"Shit, my bad. Carol." 

The kid wrinkled his nose, "You curse a lot." 

That earned a loud bout of laughter from Negan, "You're damn right I do."

 

\---------------

 

After a long walk around the Sanctuary and showing Rick the little garden that they possessed, he finally corralled Rick back into the building. The teen groaned through it but he took Rick's cot and found a different room that was better lit with the moon showing through. 

"This one better, your majesty?" Negan asked, cocking a brow. 

Rick gave a smile and nodded his head, looking around the room. It was better. It had one big window. There was a ping pong table folded up in the corner of it, broken along with a few other board games that were all missing pieces. "Like it," Rick nodded his head rapidly, peaking through the boxes that were full of games. 

"Okay, well.. It's time for you to go to sleep." The teenaged boy was obviously wanting to leave, unsure of how to do this 'good night' situation. He settled for tossing a blanket onto the cot. 

Rick pulled his hands from the board game that he'd been looking through and gave Negan a hopeful look but the older boy shut that down immediately. 

"Nu-uh, no more games. You already conned me into giving you a tour of the place, get into the bed and go to sleep. There's guards patrolling the halls so you'll be right as rain." 

The kid sighed in a near dramatic way but pulled himself away from the boxes and walked towards the bed, getting on top of it. Then, he placed the blanket around himself and started tucking the edges in tight. Negan blinked, watching as the kid made sure that the blanket was tucked in from all sides. 

"Are you tucking yourself in?" He asked, exasperated and amused at the same time. 

Rick's cheeks colored, "It's how Herschel and Carol taught me." 

Negan didn't say anything but jerked his head in a nod, leaning against the door. He was about to leave when the child spoke up again. "Do you have them?" 

He frowned, looking at Rick. The kid looked a bit wary about what he was asking. "Do I have what?" 

"Do you have.. Have a Herschel and a Carol?" 

Negan understood the question. He was being asked if he had parents. Or something to that effect. It wasn't meant to be mean, just a question brought on by an overly curious child. 

His lips pressed to a line and his head shook, "No." 

That answer didn't seem to settle with Rick. 

"Oh," The ten year old frowned. "How come?" 

"They're just gone, kid." Memories threatened to break into Negan's mind but he pushed them away like he always did. 

"Everyone should have someone." It was whispered from Rick. 

"Run that by me again?" 

"Everyone should have someone to look after them." Rick looked pointedly at Negan. "To make sure they don't curse." The kid sighed and then sat up a bit straighter, innocent in his words. "I could be your person." 

The words choked Negan up more than he cared to admit, suddenly hating Rick for how easily he'd wormed his way under his strongly constructed walls. He clenched his jaw, looking at the floor. Things were silent and Rick was most likely picking up on the tension now, wondering if he'd say something wrong perhaps. Negan let out a long sigh and a half hearted smile. 

"Go to sleep, kid." 

And with that he shut the door and went off into the dark halls in search of a bottle of tequila. 

 

\---------------

 

Rick munched happily on his apple, sitting in between Negan and Simon in the big truck. He liked the hum of it. He hardly ever got to ride cars back in Alexandria. 

Simon was a funny man, he decided. Loud, a bit like Negan. 

Negan hadn't said a word the whole way there but instead was slumped in his side of the bench seat, resting his head on his hand. Rick wrinkled his nose every time he caught a whiff of him. He smelled like alcohol. The teen groaned whenever the car went over a bump in the roads and Simon would laugh like a mad man, gunning it even faster. 

"That's what you get for stealing my tequila, boy!" 

Simon filled the truck with chatter, talking about things that he missed from long ago. Rick didn't understand all of it but he still liked listening to the exciting stories of a world that he'd never been apart of, a world that seemed a whole lot more complicated than his own. 

When they got to Alexandria Rick squirmed out of the truck as fast as he could. 

"Shit, kid. Would you slow down?" Negan tumbled out after him with a scowl on his face. 

One of the gaurds had wide eyes, looking down at them all from his perch on Alexandria's walls. "Rick?" The man turned, "It's Rick! Get the others!" But the man didn't put his weapon down and instead kept it trained on Simon and the other Saviors. 

Rick didn't understand. He was about to speak up when the gates opened. A wide smile came to his face when he saw Herschel on the other side. However he also saw.. Well, everyone. All with their weapons trained. 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Simon yelled. "We try to do something nice and this is how you treat us?" 

Carol's eyes were sharp, standing beside Morgan at the front. "Kidnapping is nice?" Morgan's voice rang out, calm but firm. 

Simon groaned, "You know, I knew you guys were going to take it this way. We didn't kidnap your kid. In fact, we just found him. Swinging around in the woods and my boy here," The man hooked an arm around Negan and brought him close. "Found him and brought him to us. He's got some stitches but he's looking damn fine considering the state of things." 

Carol's eyes slipped to Rick, her thin lips pressed into a line. "Rick," She said evenly. "Is this true?" 

Rick, who was guilty and pink cheeked, nodded his head. "It's true. I went out on my own and Negan found me." 

The older woman shot him a look that spoke 'we'll talk about this later' before looking back to Simon and she lowered her weapon, as did everyone else. 

"I thought this was supposed to be a peace treaty, sheesh," Simon grumbled to himself. 

Morgan looked towards him. "It is." 

"Seeing as I went the extra mile and you all pointed your weapons at me, I'd say that I'm in need of a gift. My feelings are truly hurt," Simon frowned. 

Carol only rolled her eyes, "Someone get him a bottle of tequila and then he'll be gone." 

The Savior grinned, "That's what I like to hear!" 

During the exchange Rick had still been by Negan's side, not exactly liking how his family looked so tense around the Saviors. He tilted his head up and opened his mouth, trying to talk to Negan before a voice rang out. 

"You causing trouble, Richard Grimes?" 

Rick's eyes widened and he grinned. "Shane!" He was off like a shot, jumping into the mans arms. 

The man gave a laugh, "Heck, Rick. It's only been a week since I've been gone." He'd been out on a longer run. Still, Shane hugged the kid close but kept his sharp eyes on Negan and Simon along with the rest of the Saviors, eventually putting Rick down to stand beside him. "We're having words about this later but for now I'd say it's time for your friends to leave." 

Rick didn't understand why Shane's voice was so hard and steely but he kept quiet, watching as someone tossed a bottle of tequila at Simon. The man caught it and cradled it close as if it was a baby. Rick watched from his spot beside Shane as the Saviors started to leave, held in place by the mans hand.

Negan was just about gone before he yelled out. "Negan!" 

The teen looked back, brow cocked. "Yeah?"

Rick managed to squirm out of Shane's grasp and ran over towards Negan, stopping right in front of him. He shifted on his feet, feeling a little foolish but he gave a small smile. "Thanks." And with that he launched himself forward for a quick hug. 

For one second Negan looked mortified, not understanding how to get this kid off of him, this kid who'd attached himself to him like an octopus. He looked up and found that all eyes were on him. Eventually he relaxed and bent slightly, looping his arms around the smaller one as well for a short hug.

"Any time, kid. Try not to step into anymore traps." 

And with that Negan pulled away and they were gone, leaving Rick swarmed by his family members as they checked him over.

 

\---------------

 

It was two weeks later when one of the guards had spotted something at the bottom of the wall on the outside area. The guard climbed down and scooped the leathery looking object up. He recognized it as Merle Dixon's old vest. Attached to it was a note. 

'For Rick and his dumbass friend.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the next update might take a bit more time but this one's an extra long one so I hope that makes up for it *shrug* 
> 
> Kudos and comments are love, thank you all! Lemme know what you thought :)


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING*
> 
> A man being creepy towards a thirteen year old.

Their friendship is not sudden, it slowly grows but yet it never goes away. 

Over the years Negan comes along for their days of trade and Rick waits for him every time, always offering a wave. Negan most times rolls his eyes and says hi to the kid, humoring him. 

Dwight always teases him about his shadow that he's developed, referring to Rick. Which really, is true. When Negan shows up along with the other Saviors at Alexandria Rick is always close behind, tailing after him and trying to help. Of course the kid is too small and weak to help with the large crates of whatever it happens to be that they're trading but Negan lets Rick hold a crumpled piece of paper, crossing items off when they're accounted for. 

The Alexandrian's still seem wary of Negan, particularly Carol and Shane but Negan can't find it in himself to care. He saved their dumbass kid, so fuck them. 

Besides, he's been on the straight and narrow recently. Simon had put him under lock down after the third time that he'd shown up drunk to dinner. The leader had said something about how it wasn't polite to slur words and reek of alcohol when they were supposed to be eating and so their alcohol supply had been locked up. Or rather, Simon had taken it all. 

That had gotten Negan irritated at the world and he'd lashed out at Rick a few time during drop offs, angry with the sound of the kids feet stomping behind him. Whenever Rick ran away, face hurt, he told himself that he didn't care. He didn't give two shits about the stupid kid and he sure as hell didn't care about what happened to him. 

That claim that he didn't care about Rick held up in his head until one day. Rick was thirteen and Negan was nineteen. Nineteen and fucked. 

 

\---------------

 

Three years had passed and the relationship between the Saviors and Alexandria had been getting better. Their communities were getting stronger. As a show of good faith the Saviors invited people from the communities of Alexandria, Hilltop, the Kingdom and Seaside for a feast of sorts and then a meeting for the leaders of each. Not all from the communities came but the recognizable members did, all bringing something for the night. 

Negan was looking forward to it for one reason and one reason only. Girls. 

The amount of girls around his own age at the Sanctuary were very slim. Of course there was still Sherry but Dwight would glare him to death if ever went after her. He'd exhausted his resources here and he'd realized that having sex with girls here was not a very bright idea. He'd managed to fuck three girls. Three. Of course he didn't want a regular relationship but it was hard to avoid someone that you lived with. 

The three of them had formed a clan of sorts. An 'I hate Negan' group. Not that he blamed them. 

To say the least, he was ready for tonight. He planted himself on the steel stairs and watched as the guests poured in. 

 

\---------------

 

Rick was buzzing. While his stay at the Sanctuary hadn't been planned, it hadn't been horrible. The teen was ready to revisit the Sanctuary, ready to wander outside of the walls with the new found independence that his teenager years had brought along. 

And maybe, just maybe, he was excited to see Negan. 

"You stick by one of us, you hear me?" Shane had pulled the kid aside before they'd gone into the building. 

Rick sighed at Shane's stern gaze and dipped his head in a nod, kicking his beat up shoe against a stone. 

"Rick," The man stressed. "You repeat back to me what I told you." 

Rick gave yet another sigh but it was quieter this time and he met the mans eyes. "I'm going to stick by one of you the whole time. I won't wander off." 

Shane stared on, frowning. 

"Shane, I've been here before. You don't need to be worrying so much." 

The man huffed like a bull, "I don't give a shit what you've done. Just because Simon wants peace doesn't mean the rest of them do." He then straightened up and placed a hand in Rick's curly hair, mussing it fondly as they walked in together. 

Carol lingered, walking behind them with narrowed eyes. Herschel hadn't come along with his bum leg. He'd stayed behind with Daryl who was still antisocial as ever, the child having rolled his eyes and stated that there wasn't a chance in hell of him going. Carol had given him a lecture about cursing after that. 

Rick walked into the Sanctuary, standing up with his back straight. He'd grown in three years, turning him a bit lanky since he was still skinny. He wasn't tall yet, not compared to adults but he was starting to look his age. 

Inside there were people gathering around in the main area, an area that Rick hadn't seen much of. He recognized different people, just like the King Ezekiel. The man came up and talked to Carol, making Shane snort. He liked the man well enough since he usually brought fruit over to their home but he didn't feel like sitting through a lengthy conversation. 

Rick scanned the crowd and spotted Sherry. 

The girl walked over towards him, "Hi, Rick." Dwight was by her side, quiet as always and not acknowledging Rick much.

"Hi, Sherry." He gave her a smile. "Where's Negan at?" 

Sherry smiled and nodded her head up towards the stairs. "He's sitting up there and looking like he could use some company." 

That's all that Rick needed to hear and when he finally saw the back of a leather jacket on the stairwell he walked off towards it, only to be stopped by a hand on his arm. 

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" It's Shane again. 

"I'm going to see Negan." He nodded towards the staircase. 

"I thought I told you to stick with one of us." 

Rick cocked his head to the side like a dog might, not understanding. "Negan is one of us." 

That got Shane to throw his hands up in exasperation. "Fine, go on. You check in with Carol soon, though. You hear me?" 

Rick only nodded absently, already off and squeezing through the crowd. By the time he made it over towards Negan, the teen had a girl with him. A girl that he hadn't noticed before. They're sitting close and Negan is smiling at her, chuckling with his arm strewn across her back but his smile dropped when he saw Rick.

"Rick," He barked out, looking less than pleased to see him. "What are you doing here?" 

Rick felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment, shifting on his feet. 

The young teen didn't get a word out before the girl at Negan's side spoke up, hitting Negan half heartedly at his chest. "Don't be rude, Negan. Who's this? He's so cute," The girl smiled, looking as if she wanted to coo over him and pet his hair. 

That got his cheeks to burn even more. 

"He's just a kid from Alexandria, he's nobody." 

"Negan," The girl scolded again. "At least introduce us." And then she looked at Rick, all smiles again. "Are you Negan's friend?" 

Negan snorted, "As if. I'm not friends with a fucking twelve year old." 

"I'm thirteen." Rick cut in.

"Whatever, I stand with my statement. Get lost, Grimes." 

The nameless girl rolled her eyes, "Well, I think he's cute. And if you're going to act like this all night I'm just going to go back with my mom." 

Negan's mouth dropped, "What? C'mon, Ellie. I'm just messing with him." 

Suddenly the girl looked outraged, glaring at Negan. "Ellie? Are you kidding me right now?" She stood up. 

"Ellie, what the hell did I-- " 

"My name is Elani!" And with that the girl is gone, off into the mass that's growing on the main floor. 

Rick watched her leave before looking back at Negan. Negan who is glaring at him. "You can't be mad at me for that. That was you. You forgot her name." The younger teen defended himself, crossing his arms. 

"If you didn't get her all riled up at me I wouldn't have had to say her name in the first place." 

Rick furrowed his brow, "What, you were planning on not saying her name the whole night?" 

The other huffed and spoke vulgarly. "I didn't need her for the whole night." 

The young boy glared, "Why are you such a -- Such a-- " He can't get the words out. He's not supposed to curse. 

It gets the older one to smirk, "Can't get the words out, huh? Or are you just too much of a baby to say it?" 

Rick's cheeks heated up with anger and embarrassment again, not understanding why the other boy was acting so mean. 

"Don't you have someone else to follow around?" Negan asked. 

With that Rick turned and left into the crowd of people, leaving Negan sitting on the stair case and looking utterly miserable. 

 

\---------------

 

Rick stayed away from Negan for the rest of the night and instead stayed glued to Shane's side. Shane didn't seem to mind much, though the man was always either talking with Simon or chatting up different women. 

Eventually he slinked away, looking for Carol. He knew that he wasn't a kid anymore and that he shouldn't be such a baby, but all he wanted was to let her brush her fingers through his hair until they could finally leave. However when he'd gone to the table that Carol had been sitting at.. He found it completely occupied. And not by Carol. 

The kid frowned but walked away, trying to look for her. He eventually found his way out of the main floor and pushed a door open, the night breeze hitting him as he stepped outside. A small patch of grass was in front of him and then fences were beyond that. He could hear the growls of the dead but the yard wasn't empty and instead was occupied by a group of men that he didn't know. 

Men that quickly noticed him. 

One of them raised a brow at him, an uncomfortable gaze settling on Rick. "You need something?" 

The boy shook his head, "I-- " His head shook again. "No." He stood up a little bit straighter and one of the men must've have noticed because he laughed loudly. "I'm just looking for someone." 

"You lost?" One of the men asked, seeming to perk up in an odd way. A sense of wrong flooded Rick and he lied, shaking his head. 

"No, I'm not lost. I've been here before, I know my way around." 

"You sure about that? I think I would've remembered seeing you walking around here." The man seemed to smirk. "I can show you around, help you find what you're looking for."

Then another one of them shook his head as he stroked at his beard, "Aw, c'mon now. Leave the poor kid alone." 

Almost on impulse Rick shot back, "I'm not a kid." 

That got all of them to laugh. "Not a kid, huh? Then how old are ya?" 

"Thirteen." 

The gaze on him turned sharper and he could feel it, roaming over him. His heart thudded uncomfortably and he backed up a step, his stomach twisting.

"I damn near think he's right, gentlemen. He ain't no kid, I think he's sprouting greys already. Here, I'll help ya find your way." 

The man made a move towards Rick, walking closer and right then the door banged open. Negan was standing there, a scowl on his face and his bat by his side. 

"Rick!" He yelled, snapping his fingers to signal the kid to come to his side as if he was a dog. Rick wasn't exactly happy with Negan but he'd rather be with the older boy than these men. He scurried off to the others side. 

The same man that'd done most of the talking chuckled darkly, "Ain't that cute. He's trained and everything, all we gotta do is snap." 

Negan narrowed his eyes, "Don't." 

The man took a step closer. "What's got you all worked up? We were just talking to the kid. He was lost, I was gonna bring him back inside." 

The teen huffed as if something was funny, "Yeah, and I said don't." The same man opened his mouth to talk but Negan cut him off again. "No, pieces of shit like you don't get to talk. And for the record, I'd steer clear of Rick. Hell, of everyone. Or else you'll end up like your buddy David." 

The man snarled, "You son of a bitch, take that back."

And then he lunged.

Rick was pushed back by Negan's hand, falling onto the sparse grass before the teen swung away, side stepping the tackle to land his bat against the mans arm. Rick watched with wide eyes as Negan brought the bat down again, the man falling to the ground with a howl of pain. 

The barbed wire bit into the mans skin, ripping it back and tearing it away as if it was simply paper, leaving his skin jagged and torn. The other men were only standing back, eyes equally wide as they watched their friend. 

It's gruesome and Rick doesn't understand. He doesn't understand why this is happening. 

"Negan," His voice wobbles, staring at the older teen. It gets the other to stop mid swing, bat held in the air. 

Vaguely he hears people coming out of the building. Someone comes up and yanks Negan back, causing the bat to clatter to the ground. 

"What the fuck are you doing, boy?" Simon yelled until he spotted the man on the ground who was clutching his arm and moaning in agony. Then his eyes skittered to Rick who's also on the ground, eyes scared and unsure. The leaders spine straightened with understanding, his grip turning slack on Negan. 

A moment later Carol is rushed to his side. Hands are cupping his face and turning it to look towards her. He looked at her, eyes eerily blank and his mouth parted. 

"Rick," Her soft voice called for him and then her eyes turned to angry slits, glaring dangerously at the man on the ground and then at Negan. 

"What did you do?" Negan didn't answer. "What did you do?" She yelled it this time. 

Rick finally found his voice, "It wasn't.. He didn't do anything, Carol. Negan didn't do anything." 

Carol's eyes are still dangerous and Shane is crashing onto the scene, as is Morgan. Their presences are muted in his mind and he doesn't register them as much. 

There's other people out here now and he can hear Simon's voice, "It's alright, people. Just an internal disagreement. Nothing to get your panties in a twist about. Let's get back inside." Then he looked to the ground at the bleeding man, unconcerned. "And someone pick this one up? Take him to one of our special rooms." His boot nudged at the mans injured arm, causing another yelp. Simon grinned, "Sorry my man, that one was my bad. We'll get your arm fixed up soon." 

Rick doesn't understand, he doesn't understand any of it. There was something missing. Something that he wasn't registering.

Soon enough Negan is kneeling down, pushing past hands. "Shit, Rick. Are you okay?" 

There's blood on his face and Rick stares at it. 

"Rick, damn it. Answer me!" 

The boy blinked, his hand coming up. "You have.. " He brushed away a drop of blood and it only smeared against his own fingers and Negan's cheek. 

Negan's looking at him, more concerned now. "Did I.. I mean, I didn't scare ya, did I?" It took a moment but Rick shook his head, retracting his hand. 

"Why did you do that?" He still didn't understand. "Why.. You can't do that. You're not supposed to do that." 

"Do what?" 

The answer comes softly and with childish naivety, "Hurt people." 

Negan looks positively wounded by the words but his answer stayed firm. "You don't have to understand it, you just have to know that some people deserve to get hurt." 

Soon Negan was being pushed away and replaced by people from Alexandria. Rick pressed his head against Shane's side as he stood up, watching as Simon dragged Negan away, the two whispering. 

No one dwelled on the bleeding man that was being pushed inside of the building again. Not even his friends.

 

\---------------

 

The night, at least for the Alexandrians, is a bit spoiled. 

No one is in the mood to carry on with their feast. He can hear Carol and Morgan whispering together, words hissing and hard even in quiet tones. They're in a hallway and Rick is leaned against Shane again, the mans large hand pushing through his hair in a comforting manner. They both watch Morgan and Carol as they argue. 

"We should go back to Alexandria," The woman said. 

"We can't do that. You know we can't. Think about what we came here for." 

"I am thinking of it. It's been an excuse for us all to hold hands for the night and play nice. And you know what's come of it? Nothing." 

Morgan is shaking his head, "Nothing will come of it if we leave now. Simon wanted to hold a meeting for the different leaders. Ezekiel will want us to stay, too." 

Carol's lips turned pinched and she hissed at the man, "Don't." 

Rick then pushed himself up from his spot against Shane. "We can stay." All eyes went to him. "I'm okay. We can stay." 

Shane spoke up then, looking at Morgan and Carol. "He says we stay? We can stay." 

Eventually they work their way back into the main room and people are still going on with the night as if nothing had happened. Rick can't help the habit of looking for Negan. 

"Where's Negan?" He asked Shane. 

The man sighed, "I'm thinking you saw him enough for one day." 

Rick frowned, "Why don't you like him?" 

Shane looked down at Rick, eyes hard. "It might have something to do with the fact that whenever you're around him someone ends up bleeding." 

That is a true statement, one that he can't argue with but he knows that Shane will just come up with an argument to anything that he says. Carol eventually leads them over towards where Simon is sitting with a few of the other leaders from the communities. Maggie is there and Rick smiles wide at her. He doesn't get to see Maggie very often but he always likes to talk to her when he can. Herschel sometimes talks about moving out to Hilltop to be with her now that he's getting older and not able to move between communities so fast like he'd once done. 

Simon cleared his throat, giving a pointed look to Rick. Carol glared at the man, "Yes?" 

The Savior cringed at the glare and cleared his throat, "Look, can't he-- " 

Rick cut him off. "Where's Negan? I can go talk to him while you guys are busy."

Simon's eyes lit up. "Now that is a great idea. He can go off with Negan for a little bit." 

Carol shook her head, "Absolutely not." 

However Morgan had spoken at the same time, "I think that sounds like a fine idea." He looked at Carol, "He'll be fine. I'll walk him there. Where's he at, Simon?" 

The other leader shrugged, "I'll bet that he's on the roof. Probably sulking 'cause I took his bat away." 

Morgan hummed, lips twitching as he got up and steered Rick away. "I'll be back." 

A few minutes later and Morgan found his way up to the roof with him, looking and seeing a leather jacket wearing teen sitting near the edge. He assured Morgan that he could find his way back if he needed to and walked over towards Negan. 

"Negan?" 

The teens shoulders slumped, "What do you want, kid?" His voice is soft, tired. He's sitting on the edge, his legs hanging off. 

Rick came over and stood beside the other, but he cautiously got onto the ledge next to the other and sat. "I'm sorry," He started after a moment or two. 

Negan frowned hard, glaring as he looked over. "What the hell for?"

"I.. " He can't really explain. He just feels guilty in a way. He'd caused something to happen, someone to get hurt. He can't get Negan's wounded look out of his head. "I'm sorry for not understanding." 

Negan only huffed and shook his head, "No one said you had to. You're a kid." 

"I'm not a -- "

"Yeah, yeah. I know. You're not a kid." 

Rick stared down and over the edge, seeing the stones that waited below. His stomach gave a nervous flop. "Is he a bad man?" 

"Yeah, Rick. He's a bad man." Negan's voice is quiet for once. He's looking at the younger teen like his heart had just been torn out. 

"Was he going to.. I mean, he asked me if I needed his help. But it didn't feel like he was going to give it. It felt.. It felt wrong, like I should've started running away." Rick can't find it in himself to bring his voice above a whisper. 

He tries again, thinking that he might understand what this is about. Vaguely he remembers a man from Alexandria that reminds him a lot of the one that he'd encountered tonight. He hadn't been there long. He'd done something bad to one of the women in the community. He remembers that. He remembers the way Carol wouldn't allow him near the man.

He feels nauseas, "Was he trying to.." 

Negan's lips pulled in a snarl, "No. He wasn't going to do a fucking thing. You know why? Because I beat the shit out of him." 

An arm came out and hooked around his smaller shoulders, yanking him closer. Rick let out a small 'oof' but he relaxed and let his head rest against the boys shoulder. 

"That's never happening to you, Rick," The Savior spoke softly but firmly. 

"Thanks, Negan."

 

\---------------

 

The two found themselves walking on the ground near the perimeter. Rick stared at the rotted faces as they went by though as they walked on the dead got more sparse, less clumped up and instead only one here or there. 

The dead don't bother him so much anymore. 

Rick listened to their growls until he heard something entirely different. It's a meow. He blinked, eyes wide and he took off running towards the fence. 

"Rick, get your ass back here!" 

"Do you hear that?" 

"Hear what?" 

The meow is there again, soft but there. Rick has seen a cat once before while on a run that Shane had taken him on. It had been white and spotted, looking skinny but full grown and it had hissed at him before scattering. He remembers that so he stops short of where he can hear the noise coming from. He stops Negan as well, a hand on the sleeve of the leather jacket to keep the other from walking any further.

"Listen." They wait a few more seconds to hear a third, small meow. 

Rick's eyes grew, "It's a cat!" He crept towards the fence, trying to spot it. "Herschel told me that he used to have a lot on his farm. He said they had five cats. They let him pet 'em and everything," The young teen spoke absently, eyes peeled. 

He's expecting something bigger like the full grown cat that he'd seen. Something that would stick out however that's not what he finds. There's a patch of the grass that's moving. Though it turns out to not be a patch of the grass at all. It's small and fluffy, blending in easily with the long strands of grass. It has black fur. 

"Negan." He murmured and crept forward, falling to his knees in front of the ball of fluff that's right on the other side. 

Negan rolled his eyes, "It probably heard all this shit, smelled the food and came crawling to us. It looks pretty small so I doubt it's gonna live for much longer." 

Rick ignored the other and stuck his hand towards the fence but Negan immediately yanked him back by the shoulder.

"Are you out of your mind? That thing might be invested with.. With diseases! It could be disease ridden!" 

The younger one shrugged him off and went back to poking his fingers through the fence, "It doesn't look disease ridden."

He heard a scoff and a, "Yeah, because you would be able to tell from looking at it if it had a disease. I forgot you were a doctor, my bad." 

Rick cautiously pressed his fingers closer, stroking the very ends of the soft fur. The cat gave a questioning meow, moving slightly towards him. It's small, a kitten. "C'mere," He murmured. 

The moment is interrupted by a growl. Rick's hand jerked back and the cat backed up as well, looking at the walker that's shambling towards them. Before Negan can do anything, Rick hopped up and walked over towards the walker. He banged on the fence and took out his knife. The young teen has to get on his tip toes to get the right angle but eventually everything lined up he thrust his knife through, killing the walker. 

Negan is just watching, mouth parted as he sees the way Rick pulls the knife back and lets it drop to the dirt, forgotten before falling to his knees by the fences, his hands splattered with blood but he's poking his fingers through the fence again. 

It took ten minutes to coax the kitten back towards them but it felt like an hour. Rick got his hand around the kitten and with his other hand he started digging at the stone underneath of the fence, creating a gap big enough for the ball of fluff to slip through. Rick grinned and held the cat close, it's black fur contrasting against the white shirt that Rick's wore. It's small and looks a bit on the unhealthy side but Rick looks the happiest that he's been all night, stroking his bloody fingers through the cats fur. The kitten fits easily into the palm of his hand and cozies up against the younger teens chest. 

In the end Negan caves and pets it, muttering "Vermin," As he does so but it only makes both of them laugh. 

In that moment things feel okay, and Negan finds it easy to smile, easy to breathe. 

It's that night that he finally caves in his head and admits to himself that yes, he does give a shit about someone. He gives a shit about Rick Grimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I can't resist putting animals in my stories. *Shrug*
> 
> I hope that you liked this one, leave a comment letting me know what ya thought or drop a kudos of you enjoyed. Thanks all! :)


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If anyone tries anything, I'll kill them."

The cat followed Rick around everywhere. Around the house, into his bedroom, walking along the streets of Alexandria, even sometimes during his school lessons.

Shane had scoffed at the measly looking ball of fluff, asking how they were going to feed it. "You really wanna waste supplies on that thing?" The man had asked on the ride home. 

The thirteen year old had only smiled down at the small animal still curled up in his hands before speaking. "It's not wasting." 

"Looks like wasting to me," The man had grumbled. 

Rick narrowed his eyes, "I'll give him food from my plate if that's what it takes." 

Shane wanted to stand his ground but it was hard with Rick staring at him with that determined brow of his. However the kid couldn't look all that serious, not while he was cradling a cat against his chest. 

In the end Shane sighed and ruffled Rick's hair and nodded his head, "We'll find him something to eat when we get back to Alexandria." 

That night Rick curled up in his bed, the cat sleeping against the curve of his neck, full and sated from the milk and sardines that they'd fed it. 

 

\---------------

 

"How's the vermin doing?" Negan asked, strolling up to Rick.

It was another trade day despite the gloomy appearance that the sky had taken on. The air had a slight chill to it and it was windy to the point of concern but they'd rolled out to the Kingdom and Hilltop earlier in the day before all of this had started and going back to the Sanctuary without following up with Alexandria seemed like a waste and nowadays, they didn't have fuel to waste. 

Rick walked up to the nineteen year old who was unloading the truck and tried to grab a box of canned goods. His arms wobbled with the effort and Negan plucked it from him with a snort before setting it aside, earning him a glare. 

"She's not vermin. She's a cat. And she has a name." 

"A name, huh? And what would that be? Whiskers?" 

Rick flushed, cheeks turning slightly pink. "No," He spoke firmly before softening. "I named her Socks." 

"Socks, really?" Negan cackled. "Christ, and here I thought you were thirteen and not seven." 

The younger one glared, "There's a reason for it!" He tried to lift another box up from the truck only for Negan to snatch it away from him again. "Negan," He complained. 

"It's not my fault that you have chicken arms. You'll get muscles like me eventually," Negan flexed his arms as he carried the box, giving himself an appreciative look. 

"Shane's muscles are bigger," Rick mumbled, just to make him angry. 

"Yeah? Well Shane's a fucking gorilla. We can't all look like we're on steroids." 

"What are steroids?" Rick asked, head cocked to the side.

"Nothing, kid. Forget it." 

Shane walked up at that moment, glaring eyes settling on Negan. "You talking shit about me?" 

Negan grinned, "Forever and always." 

They unloaded the boxes like that, Shane and Negan bickering while Rick helped unload the smaller boxes.

 

\---------------

 

By the time the Savior's trucks were loaded up the wind was stronger, threatening to knock off some of the lighter boxes and rain was coming down hard. 

Rick was sitting on the edge of a porch with Daryl, Socks having scattered into the house at the first sight of rain. They swung their legs, enjoying companionable silence. Even if Daryl was younger than him, not even a teenager like himself, he still liked the other. Daryl had been a bit happier now that he had his vest back and slept with it on, the huge thing acting like a blanket over his small form. 

Herschel was sitting in a rocking chair behind them and they were all three watching the scene that was unfolding in front of them. 

Shane, Morgan, Aaron and a few of the others were speaking with Negan and a few of the older Saviors such as Arat. The old man sighed, shaking his head as their voices raised over the rain. All of them were wet, soaked and still they were standing out there and arguing. 

"It's not smart to go driving out in that." Morgan tried, his tone neutral as always. 

Arat narrowed her eyes and looked up, "It's just some rain. Rain that we're standing in. I'd like to get going here soon." 

"It's more than a little rain. It's pouring out here, it'll effect the visibility on the roads. You know how bad storms can sway walker herds." 

A crack of lightening flashed in the background and Rick stared, eyes wide. Thunder boomed. Beside him Daryl tensed, swallowing roughly and he pressed his shoulder against the other boys, giving both of them reassurance. 

Before they knew what was happening Herschel had gotten up and was leaning on his cane, walking out into the rain and towards the group. Both the boys watched with disbelieving expressions before following, immediately becoming soaked with the rain as well. 

Herschel walked up to the group, a frown on his face. "Well, see here. It's taking an old cripple to walk out and set you straight. It's not just rain, it's a storm and it's gonna get worse. You all can stay here for the night. There's no point in trying to drive on that road and wasting fuel with getting lost." His free hand rested against the back of Rick's neck for support, leaning slightly. "Now come in before you all catch a cold." 

And with that he walked off back towards the home with Daryl and Rick on both of his sides. 

Negan was the first to speak up, "Well, shit. I don't know about you guys but I'm not going against his words." The nineteen year old trotted after them and the rest followed. 

 

\---------------

 

Thankfully, there had only been a small group of Saviors. Negan, Arat, and four others that Rick didn't know the names of but he'd seen them before. They all stayed in the same house, the house that Carol and Herschel had taken as their own long ago. 

Shane frowned, eyes flickering over the new comers. "You sure they should be staying here? Especially with Rick and Daryl," He sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face as he looked over at Carol. 

Carol narrowed her eyes at each and every member that had made their way into the house. "I wouldn't be letting them stay here if I wasn't sure about each of them. They'll all stay downstairs in the living room. Herschel and I will be upstairs with the boys." She paused before going on calmly, "If anyone tries anything, I'll kill them." 

The man shook his head, "I dunno.. Something just ain't sitting right with me. I'm thinking I should stay. Just for tonight." 

"Shane, we've already got six more people here than normal," However her words fell on deaf ears as he strode away from her and went to talk with Arat. 

The older woman sighed but softened, watching as Rick chased the small cat through the house, weaving between people that kept scaring the cat into running off with Daryl trailing not far behind. As much at she'd tried to close herself off from caring, specifically caring for children, Daryl and Rick had wormed their way into her heart and made her weak. 

 

\---------------

 

Rick sat in between Daryl and Negan at dinner. 

They were eating potatoes and chicken while the storm raged on outside. Rick decided that he didn't like the sound of thunder so much. The meat was left over from a group of chickens that they'd butchered awhile ago. 

Beside him Daryl was ripping into his dinner, stripping apart the chicken and scooping the potatoes into his mouth with his fingers. 

Negan scowled, "Shit, I didn't realize I was getting dinner and a show. It's like eating with a monkey." 

Daryl frowned and looked at Rick, mouth full of potatoes. "Wa's a monkey?" He asked, mouth full. 

Rick shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe he's complimenting you." 

The younger boy only rolled his eyes and stuffed another bite into his mouth. 

They had general education of course. How to read and write, some of the old history of the world, math problems and science. Learning about foreign animals had not been something that they'd covered. 

"It's an animal, honey. And stop chewing with your mouth open." Carol spoke absently to Daryl before giving him a look, making the boy huff before he shut his mouth. 

After dinner Rick and Daryl went upstairs, shoving playfully at each other. They'd been told to share a room tonight, nothing out of the ordinary and he could tell that Daryl was especially relieved because he knew that the other didn't like storms. It amazed him how it was still raining, beating against the house with lightening cracking and thunder always close behind. He supposed that he didn't like the storms either and he found himself relieved by Daryl staying as well.

"Where's Negan staying?" Rick asked, cocking his head to the side. 

"I dunno, downstairs." Daryl shrugged. "Why do you always follow him around?" 

Rick felt his cheeks burn, "I do not follow him around. I just.. I.. " He wanted to tell Daryl about how nice Negan could be, about how funny he sometimes was. Sometimes. 

The Dixon snorted, "You like him?" 

His eyes went wide, "No! That's.. That's gross." He pulled a face and crossed his arms, cheeks still red. "I do not like Negan. Not like that. I don't like anyone that way. Because that's gross." 

They both hopped into the bed and the younger child nodded, face serious. "Yeah, that kind'a stuff is gross." 

That was the first night that Rick went to sleep without Socks. It bothered him but he knew that the cat was probably somewhere, scared off by all the commotion. After hours of being in the bed Rick slipped out, giving a look towards a sleeping Daryl before walking out of the room. He was quiet, only wearing one sock with his pajama pants on and a dark t-shirt. The stairs creaked as he stepped down them and he winced. 

"Socks?" He called out softly once on the ground level. He peaked into the living room and saw a few lumps on the couches and the ground. He frowned, unable to find Negan. 

Slowly he turned to peak into the kitchen. Just as he did, lightening lit up the room and there was Negan, sitting at the kitchen table with an amused look on his face. Rick's eyes widened and he gave a jolt. 

Negan grinned, "Are you afraid of storms?" 

The younger one shook his head, "No, of course not." He shifted on his feet, crossing his arms and swallowed roughly as another bout of thunder rolled in. 

He heard a heavy sigh, then, "C'mere, kid. Sit on down. There's nothing to be scared of. Just some fucking rain." 

Rick went over and sat down beside the other at the table, a determined look on his face. "I'm not scared." 

"I know you're not. How about you tell me why you're up instead?" 

The boy sighed, "I couldn't find Socks. He usually sleeps with me and I.. " He frowned. "Why are you up?" 

Negan shrugged, "There's some serious snoring going on in there. I was asleep until Arat moved around and woke me up. She went out to talk with Shane somewhere." 

"Talk?" He asked before he could help himself. But it was true. Rick was young but even he knew that Shane ended up kissing most girls that he brought aside. 

That got the older one to laugh, grinning. "Shit, I wasn't expecting that out of you. I don't even know if Arat swings that way." 

"What do you mean?" Rick was confused. 

"You know, I thought she was a lesbian." 

Rick bit on his lip, trying to understand. "I.. What does that mean?" 

Negan narrowed his eyes, "You don't know what lesbian means? You know, when a girl likes a girl. Or gay, when a guy likes a guy." 

The boy's eyebrows lifted, "Oh," He nodded his head. "Like Aaron and Eric." He nodded again. "I know what it means. I just, I didn't know the names for it." He'd never gotten a talk about lesbians or gay people, it had always just been people. Like Aaron and Eric, he'd never questioned it. 

Before the conversation could go on he felt something brush against his leg and then he heard a small meow. Rick blinked before grinning and he slowly scooted his chair back to scoop up the cat that'd been curling around his legs. 

"Knew you'd come back. You just got scared, huh?" The boy hummed to the cat, nose nuzzling against the black fur. 

Negan was staring with a scowl on his face, "That's the piece of vermin that I saved?" 

Rick snorted, "You didn't save her. I did. You helped." The cat seemed to glare at Negan, giving a judgmental meow. 

Then all of a sudden Negan gave a burst of laughter before quickly covering his mouth, careful of the sleeping Saviors in the next room. "Shit," His head shook. "And here I was, not giving you any credit for the name Socks. I see why you did it." 

The cat was all black except for the paws. The paws were white. Like a pair of socks. 

Rick's cheeks warmed, "It fits, right?" The cat purred, cuddling against his chest. "You can hold her if you want too." 

At that the older boy pulled another face, "I'd rather not get rabies. Thanks, though." 

The thunder got louder, causing the cat to spring away from him and scatter away. "Socks!" Rick called out, managing to catch the cat before it got to be too far. "I don't think she likes storms." He looked around, frowning at the way the house lit up at every crack of lightening. 

"Like you?" Negan asked.

It took Rick a moment or two to answer them but eventually his shoulders slumped, "Like me." 

The thirteen year old stayed there for a moment longer before mumbling that he'd be back, jogging up the stairs as he left. He was careful not to rouse Daryl but he let the cat crawl onto the bed and cuddle up next to the Dixon who would undoubtedly be happy once he saw the cat there in the morning. Quietly Rick tiptoed back down the stairs, finding Negan in the same spot. 

"You know, you really should go to bed." Negan told him. 

Rick only shrugged and sat himself down at the table, his blue eyes staring out the window that was lit up by the storm. His expression was conflicted, worried. 

"What're you so worried about?" Negan's voice was softer this time. 

".. I.. It's not so much the storm. It's what the storm does. The adults were talking, worried about how it'll effect everything that we've planted. About how it'll herd the walkers. Everyone keeps saying that it's just rain but how can rain do all of that?" 

He heard a heavy sigh come from the older one. "Shit, kid. And here I thought this was going to be an easy solution. That I could tell you a story about how it's not really thunder but just people in the sky bowling." 

"What's bow-- " 

"Never mind," Negan said, half exasperated. 

Rick frowned, "I want to understand. No one talks about it, the way things used to be. Why doesn't anyone talk about it?" 

Negan glared and snapped, "Because it hurts too fucking much!" 

That got Rick to dampen, looking down at his lap. 

Things were quiet until Negan spoke up again. "Look.. I didn't mean to snap at you." Nothing. "God damn it, kid. Will you fucking look at me?" 

Rick looked. The older one gave a long sigh, like he might regret what he did next. 

"I was young when it started. Younger than you, but I remember." Negan's voice was soft for a change. "Now listen here, Rick. There's nothing better than an ice cream cone and a big swimming pool on a hot day.. " 

For the rest of the night Negan spoke of all that he remembered, mostly of treats that the past world had. Of the luxuries. Sometimes his voice got darker, talking about a man that he remembered as his father. Rick didn't ask what had happened to the man and Negan didn't tell. 

An hour into this Rick fell asleep, storm forgotten and his head pillowed on his arms. Negan looked at the kid, his chest feeling like it was going to burst. He wanted to protect this him, even if he might not need much protection anymore. But if he could help calm Rick down from the scare of a storm that was alright with him.

 

\---------------

 

Shane came in later that night, Arat closely behind. The girl paid him no mind and went back down to sleep, only smirking in Shane's direction when he shot her a hopeful look. He sighed, running his eyes over the rest of the group. Only one wasn't accounted for. Negan. 

"Of -fucking- course." The man muttered and walked into the kitchen. 

There he found the pair of them, Negan and Rick at the kitchen table. 

They were both sleeping, both sitting in their own chairs with their heads on the table. Rick's arm was outstretched and pressed against the older boy's arm, his fingers subtly curled around Negan's wrist. Shane gave a huff of amusement at that. Rick was always a bit clingy when he got uneasy or scared, and he was sure that the storm had made him so.

Negan was snoring loudly while Rick's mouth was wide open, allowing a bit of drool to trickle onto the table. On the younger one's shoulders there was a leather jacket. It was too big and obviously belonged to someone else. The culprit must have been Negan. 

Shane sighed again and took the leather jacket off, placing it beside Negan before scooping Rick up and into his arms. The kid was thirteen but he was still light. Too light in Shane's opinion, even if Rick ate a lot. The teen didn't stir in his arms and soon enough he'd laid the boy down in the bed that was also currently housing Daryl. He left the two boys alone, shedding a slight smile before walking back downstairs. 

Negan was up this time, groggily pushing himself up and rubbing at his face. "Where.. " The teen mumbled, looking at the spot that Rick had been in. 

"I took him up to his room. You should get back to the couches." 

For once there was no argument. Negan picked up his leather jacket and stumbled off before collapsing on the couch. For the moment he looked his age, probably a little younger. The sleep made him seem more innocent as he stuffed his leather jacket under his face, using it as a pillow before he dropped off again. 

Teenagers, Shane thought to himself with a shake of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up? Rick will be 16 ... They grow up so fast. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought, thanks all for the support!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh my God, my ears are bleeding."

Rick is sixteen and Negan is twenty two when things change. 

 

\---------------

 

Negan had long gotten tired of pretending that he hated Rick's presence. Rick was optimistic in ways that he wasn't, innocent even though he'd grown up only knowing this world. It was too hard to ignore the kid anyways. 

Negan strolled through the gates of Alexandria early one morning, bat swinging casually as he want. 

"Ricky!" Not many people were up and moving yet. The sun was up but he'd left the Sanctuary when the sky had still been mostly dark. However he could see Rick. 

Rick, for some reason, is an early riser. Chipper and smiling like he actually has something to be happy about. Which, Negan figures he does. 

There's a plot of land being used for farming and Rick was knelt beside it, inspecting some green plant. 

"Are you ready to go?" Negan asked, ever grouchy in the morning. 

Rick cocked a brow and looked up, a slight smirk on his lips. "Good morning to you too." 

The older one only rolled his eyes and waited for an answer. 

"Yes, I'm ready. Give me five minutes to run inside and I'll be back out." Negan grunted. "Here, eat this. You'll be less grumpy." A bean was pressed into his hand and Negan ate it with a scowl on his face, watching as the teen jogged up and into the house that was nearby. 

Five minutes later Rick was out, a back pack on his shoulders. "What, did you need to go get your lunch that Carol packed you?" He spied a blush on Rick's face and grinned for the first time that morning. "Shit, she did pack you a lunch. Nothing for me?" 

"I have yours in my back pack, too. Now quit or else I won't give it to you." 

They end up bumping shoulders while walking away, Herschel and Carol looking over them. Herschel was smiling and called out, "Be careful!" As they left, while Carol watched them with a stern eye. 

Simon and Carol had both agreed that they made good run partners. Negan was quicker to kill, Rick was quicker to stop him with words. They balanced each other out. 

 

\---------------

 

"Oh my God, my ears are bleeding." 

Rick grinned, eyes near twinkling as they drove. They'd gotten to take one of the trucks for what they were hauling and it had come equipped with several discs full of country music that were now being played. "You don't know how to appreciate good music." 

"Good music?" Negan asked, looking over with wide eyes. "And just who taught you that this was good music?" 

"Shane." 

The older one snorted, "Of course it was Shane. Fuckin' hicks." The words were said without heat and yet Rick still glared. "Don't hit me with those eyes, Grimes. What do you want me to do, take it back? Give a yee-haw?" 

It was ridiculous but Rick found himself laughing softly and shaking his head, watching out the window as they drove past walkers that were deteriorated, flattened on the road or struggling to get out of the bushes. 

It was awhile longer until they got to the hardware store. Rick had always been fascinated with these. Stores. The concept was so.. Odd, in a way. They could just come and take what they wanted. He tried to imagine a time where all the shelves had been filled with food that was ready to eat or colorful clothes that people had paid good money for. 

Money was also a concept that he struggled with. He didn't understand how green pieces of paper could so easily rule someone's life. 

Thankfully since this was a hardware store, so it was hardly picked over. The two hopped out and started searching through the store after having cleared it, Rick with his machete and Negan with his bat. 

"Let's start with tools," He looked at the section of the store that was first, showcasing hammers and wrenches along with shovels and the like. To his surprise Negan didn't argue. 

They spent the morning there, filling the truck up with different tools and smaller pieces of lumber that they found. A bigger group would eventually come to collect the larger pieces of wood for new buildings that they wanted to construct but for now smaller groups would focus on tools. 

By noon they were both sweaty and tired, tumbling out of the store to sit by their truck full of supplies. They were both sat in the stones, backs against the truck. Rick opened up his pack and pulled out a canteen filled with water, a bag that was a mixture of vegetables from the gardens and left over chicken. 

"So, what's the big gossip in Alexandria?" Negan started off, popping a piece of chicken into his mouth. 

He snorted, "You think there's gossip in Alexandria?" 

"Maybe not gossip. I did see those new girls that came, though." 

"New girls?" The teen focused on the bean in his hand. 

Negan's lips stretched in a smile, "Look at you, acting all bashful. I know they're pretty. They're around your age too, right?" Rick only shrugged but he got a nudge in return. "C'mon, tell me something. Have you talked to them?" 

The younger one shook his head, "No-- I mean, yes. I have talked to them but not.. Not like you talk to girls." 

"And how's that?" 

Rick's cheeks warmed, "You know how you talk to girls." 

"Actually, I think I may need you to refresh my memories." Negan was full on grinning at this point and it only widened when the other turned to glare at him. 

"You know, you.. " Rick shook his head. "I haven't talked to them, not like that. I don't want to talk to them like that. They're nice." 

".. They're nice." 

"Yeah, nice." He smiled. "I carried the one girls bag into her house. They're both from Oceanside." 

He heard a long breath being exhaled and then, "Rick, you must be the most innocent thing left in this world. You see two new girls and all you think is.. They're nice? That's it? You help them carry their bags in?" Negan laughed, "You sure are a gentleman." 

Rick could only glare and try to ignore the way his ears were burning. 

"Well, while you're opening doors and carrying bags I'm actually getting some action. Two girls in the same week, actually." Rick wrinkled his nose and the other went on. "Nothing too special or to keep around obviously but still, it was nice. They were a bit too chatty and clingy for my taste." 

Rick felt something stirring in his gut, something that he didn't like. "Why do you always talk about them like that? Like.. " He shook his head. "You talk about girls like Shane talks about them. You shouldn't talk about them that way." 

Negan scoffed, "My bad, I didn't know you were the moral police coming to defend all women's honors. Besides, they were big girls. They knew it wasn't going to last. That's how adults do things. You're still a kid, you wouldn't get it. Don't strain your brain thinking about it." He disregarded, eating another piece of chicken. 

Things were silent for a moment before Rick got up and walked away, picking up the last of their things before getting into the truck. "Hurry up, I want to get back to Alexandria." 

Negan just stared after, feeling as though he'd missed something. Sure, he picked on the kid a bit more than he should but.. That was just what they did. Something felt different about this time. Something felt shifted. 

The car ride was spent in silence, Rick's music no longer filling the truck cab. 

 

\---------------

 

As soon as the truck rolled to a stop Rick was out like a shot. 

Negan watched as he went, sighing to himself as he drove the truck into Alexandria. The teen had been acting downright pissy since their conversation and he couldn't figure out why. It made him angrier as the minutes passed, not liking how easily Rick could make him feel guilty for something. Something that he didn't even understand. 

Once the truck was parked Negan hopped out and rounded on Rick, who was nearing the back and wanting to unload. "Are you gonna tell me what your problem is?" 

The younger one frowned, looking away. "I don't have a problem, Negan." 

"You sure about that? Because you haven't said a damn word to me since we ate. So come on, what's wrong?" 

Silence. 

"Whatever, it's your problem if you have your panties in a twist because of some talk about girls." Negan's head shook. "I have more important shit to worry about. More important shit to do." 

Rick's face fell, blue eyes going wide and his lips parting. "Negan, wait," His hand reached out and latched onto the other's arm but the older one jerked it away. 

"Fuck off, you can talk to me when you stop acting like such a girl." Negan's not sure why he used such hateful words. He's afraid of a certain part of himself that likes the way he can hurt people. Except.. With Rick he always feels bad afterwards. That rarely happens with others. 

For now the man ignored it and climbed into the truck, stubbornly not helping with unloading of the supplies. He waited there, lazily picking at the fabric on his seat. Every now and again he'd look up and watch as the people from Alexandria moved around to take their share of the supplies. Somewhere along the lines his eyes caught on someone. 

From the angle he couldn't see who it was. The person isn't facing the truck but bent over near one of the sheds that they keep supplies in, obviously trying to reach something inside, their head in the dark shed as well. 

Negan's eyes couldn't help the way they traveled down the slope of the persons ass and he cocked his head to the side slightly, a smirk coming to his face. It's perky and showing even through the worn jeans that the person's wearing. He bit his lip and thought to himself that if he picked up someone from Alexandria that would make Rick especially mad and maybe that's exactly what he needs to do. 

Right as Negan reached for the door handle the person straightened up and stepped out of the shed. Brown curls became visible. 

Negan's heart stopped for a moment in his chest, realizing that the person that he'd been checking out had been Rick Grimes. He felt disgusted with himself, particularly of the thoughts that had been running through his head for this person. This teenager. Rick. 

Negan's never been ashamed of what he was attracted to but on that day he wanted to bleach his mind and vomit out his feelings. Because no, this couldn't be right. Not Rick. Not the kid who he'd helped through the forest that had been a pain in his ass for the past years. Not the teenager that he was six years older than. 

No. Not Rick. 

Negan drove away particularly fast that day, not stopping to speak with any of the Alexandrian's before he went. The last thing that he saw was Rick standing by his house, Herschel leaning heavily against him and watching as he left the community.

 

\---------------

 

Rick isn't sure why the comments bothered him so much. 

Scratch that, he knew why they bothered him but he refused to acknowledge why. He'd felt a bit embarrassed that he'd let the comments effect him so much and he swore that he'd never let it happen again. 

Negan lashing out at him wasn't anything new, it was just a tendency that the older one had. Most times Negan apologized, so the way that the other had just drove off had unsettled him. 

With a sigh Rick helped Herschel into the house. "You shouldn't be coming out here like this, Carol said that you shouldn't." He held onto the mans middle and acted as a cane, the both of them walking up the stairs and into the house. 

Herschel gave a smile, "Carol doesn't need to know that I come out here. We all have our secrets, I suppose. Be glad mine is only walking off on my own." 

The teen laughed, "I am glad. But next time you do it I'll tattle on you to Daryl." 

"You sure do know how to strike fear into a man, Rick." 

The two got into the house and Daryl, now thirteen, narrowed his eyes at Herschel. "You're not supposed to go outside without someone." 

Herschel hummed and shared a look with Rick, "You know, I think someone's told me that one before." 

"Herschel," Daryl huffed. 

"Alright, alright. You boys run along, I'll be fine getting to the couch. Leave me with my reading and don't get into too much trouble." 

"Yes sir," Rick answered as Daryl smirked, "No promises." And with that, the two were out of the house again but only after Rick had pet Socks who had come up to swish between his ankles. 

They walked the community together, Rick kicking rocks as they went. 

"You 'n Negan get in a fight or something?" 

Rick looked up, a cocked brow on his face. "Why do you ask that?" 

"Cause you two are always going at it. Fuckin' stupid, the way you two fight over nothing." Daryl snorted and shook his head. 

"We don't always fight," He emphasized the 'always' part. 

"Yeah you do. Last week he got mad 'cause you went out and left your machete at home, the week before that he was pissy 'cause you didn't save him food for lunch. Three weeks ago, you were bitchin' 'cause he was drunk when ya went to the Sanctuary." 

Rick stared over, eyes wide. He supposed that maybe they did fight a lot. "Guess we do fight a little bit.. " 

"What was it about this time?" 

"It was just.. Well, it was stupid. He was just talking about girls. Saying that they were only good for one go, that sort of thing. The way Shane talks about 'em." The teen bit at his lip, "He called me a kid and told me I didn't understand. That that's how all grown ups do it." 

Daryl stayed silent. 

"That can't be true, right?" He looked to his friend who was still quiet. "I don't know, I guess I just didn't like talking about it. I don't like hearing about him fooling around with girls all the time." 

"You listen when Shane talks about it," Daryl pointed out. 

Rick blinked, "That's different." 

"How?" 

He didn't have an answer, or at least not a good one. "It just is." 

The two broke from their conversation when the two girls from Seaside walked past. One was older, more around Negan's age or even older still. One was Rick's age. She had pretty hair, dark and long and warm brown eyes. She smiled at Rick. 

Rick swallowed roughly and managed an awkward wave, smiling back at her. "Hey," He called out as they passed by, only getting a nod and a wider smile from the girl as they passed. 

As soon as they were out of ear shot Daryl took a look at his pink face and snorted. "Gross," The younger one's head shook. "All of ya, you're all gross." 

Rick rolled his eyes with a smile, "Shut up." He was about to go on and say something else but Daryl cut in again. 

"You like Negan?" 

Rick's head jerked around to look at him. "What?" 

"Do you like him?" 

"I-- " 

"I'm just asking is all. Your face gets all pink like that 'round him but it's worse. Hard to watch sometimes." 

The sixteen year old frowned at the ground, "No. I don't like Negan." The words didn't feel like the truth. "I don't like him. I don't like Negan." He repeated it as if trying to convince himself. 

Daryl rolled his eyes but a sly grin came to his face, "Whatever, don't make no difference to me. It's still fuckin' gross." 

"Shut up! There's nothing gross, ya know why? Because I don't like him." Rick fired back with a playful shove that got Daryl to laugh. 

"Keep telling yourself that, Grimes." 

For the rest of the evening they walked through Alexandria, laughing and shoving at each other as the sun went down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, 16&22 Part 2.
> 
> Give me a comment and let me know what you thought of this one or a kudos if ya like! Thanks for the support all~


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day seemed too bright. Too sunny, just as it had been yesterday.

Negan walked up the stairs and into the home, his usual charisma gone. His lips were pulled in a grimace. 

Carol was sitting at the table, a distant look in her eyes. She glanced up quickly when Negan walked in but the tension in her shoulders briefly relaxed. 

"Where is he?" Negan asked. He'd meant to ignore Rick for awhile after the incident, referring to their last fight when he'd rode off in the truck without anymore words. When he'd crossed a line in thinking about Rick in a different way. It'd been four weeks since he'd seen Rick. However avoiding him wouldn't do any of them good right now. 

"The last I checked he was in his room. Asleep." Her eyes gave him a pointed look as if saying not to wake him. 

The twenty two year old sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Are you.. " Okay, he'd meant to ask. He'd never been any good at this. 

The woman in question hummed, eyes still distant. "I need to go check the fields. I'll be back in a bit." 

Negan was left alone in the room.

 

\---------------

 

Rick only knew his parents through stories. 

His mother had died in childbirth. It was a common thing, he was told. It didn't stop the guilt any less. People talked about his father frequently. Richard Grimes, a man made of steel but with a supposed soft side. A man that had led them. A man that had been slaughtered five months before his birth. Rick heard tales about the man. About his bravery. He'd heard about the strength of his mother, of the way she could calm any soul with a few words. 

He didn't feel sorrow for the man and woman that he'd never met but instead wondered about them both endlessly some nights. Part of him felt annoyed that his brain was going back to that on a day like this. 

The teen sighed roughly and stayed staring at the ceiling. The wetness in his eyes would pass. He told himself that it would. 

 

\---------------

 

The day seemed too bright. Too sunny, just as it had been yesterday. 

Shane's jaw clenched as he slumped against one of the trees in Alexandria, eyes drifting over to the patches of grass that were risen, dirt piled atop and packed in tight. His hands were dirtied as he nailed two white, thin panels of wood together perpendicularly. 

He saw the way Negan had walked up to the house but hadn't stopped him, knowing that he must have already heard the news. 

Shane knew that if he walked around to the back of the house and peaked up Daryl would be perched on the roof and whittling at something. He also knew that if he went upstairs, Rick would be in his room as he had been for the majority of the morning. The damned cat was likely on the bed as well, tracking hair all around. 

Shane shook his head with a sigh, rubbing at the back of his head as he did so before focusing back on the thin pieces of wood in his hands. 

 

\---------------

 

The room was dark with the curtains drawn, not letting any light inside. Rick had gravitated towards one side of his bed and was curled inwards on himself, fingers gently stroking the soft fur of the cat that purred against his chest. 

The door to his room creaked open and his fingers paused. 

"Rick?" 

The teen sighed, his body curling even more. He could remember their last conversation, Negan telling him to talk to him when he acted less like a girl. Rick supposed that if that was the case he still couldn't talk to Negan, not with his red rimmed eyes. 

"Rick," The older one tried again, stepping further into the room. 

"Not.. Not right now, Negan." He finally murmured. His fingers went back to stroking Socks fur. 

"Rick," Negan was more incessant now and frowned hard, standing right next to the bed. 

"What?" Rick's voice was harder, splintered as he turned himself to look at Negan. 

"Shit, kid.. " 

Rick sat up, lips set in a frown. He scrubbed roughly at his eyes while Socks jumped off the bed and slinked out of the room. His shoulders were curled inwards, as if to ward off any hurtful words that the other one might say but his strength showed through his clenched jaw. "You didn't have to come." 

"I know I didn't." Negan sat on the edge of the bed, beside Rick. 

"Then why are you here?" The younger asked, eyes narrowed. 

"Don't gimme that shit. I know I acted like a dick last time I saw you but did you seriously think I would.. That I wouldn't come? You're supposed to be smarter than that." The 'you're supposed to know me better than that' part, went unspoken. Negan sighed, "Look, I wanted to apologize about that. I know it's sure as hell not helping right now." 

Doubtful eyes glanced towards Negan. "You really are a dick sometimes," It came in a murmured voice. 

Negan grinned, "Shit, is that even you? I don't think I've ever even heard you say that word." He tried to lighten the mood desperately. 

It earned a smile from the sixteen year old though it was small as he shrugged. "You get to me sometimes." 

"That's my specialty, kid." 

Rick shoved at his shoulder gently before his expression dropped again, staring down at the comforter. 

"You know.. I've already seen you cry a few times. You're forgetting that I knew you when you were ten." Negan's words were spoken softly, in a way that wasn't mocking. Rick glanced up, eyes red rimmed still but now gathering wetness. 

"C'mere, Rick." The older one beckoned. 

Negan was sitting on the bed, holding his arm out and Rick took the invitation. The teen sidled up under his arm and pressed his face against Negan's shoulder. Negan's arm wrapped around him tightly while Rick's did the same. 

"I ... I don't get it-- It's-- He wasn't-- " Rick struggled to get the words out, clenching his eyes shut tight. He was used to people leaving through walker bites and gun shots. He was used to understanding death in that way. He hadn't been used to this; Someone leaving without an explanation, in their sleep. He hadn't been ready for it. 

"It's not fair, he wasn't supposed to leave yet." The words were innocent in a way that made Negan's heart clench. 

"Fuck, I know. I know it's not fair." Negan didn't bother telling Rick that it would be okay. He knew it wouldn't lessen the loss any. 

His hand eventually migrated to Rick's curls and started brushing through the hair. They stayed like that for most of the morning. 

 

\---------------

 

They buried Herschel Greene while the sun was shining. 

Rick helped as they lowered the cloth covered body into the ground and then picked up a shovel and started shoveling the dirt in. His fingers were twitching around the handle but with every load of dirt it got easier while his muscles ached. He focused on that. Shane had always teased him about his chicken arms but he was able to keep going until the dirt was packed atop, firmly closing their in-ground grave. 

Eventually Rick stepped back and found himself next to Negan. He could feel the older one's eyes on him but he kept his own eyes on the grave as Shane hammered in a white cross. 

Daryl stood by his other side, ever silent but their shoulders pressed together. His brother was feeling the pain of today just as much as he was.

Gabriel was speaking verses from the bible but Rick didn't hear all of what he'd said. Herschel had been a God loving man and so they all respected it, bowing their heads and holding their hands folded together. Even then he could feel Negan's eyes on him. 

After the words were all said and done, people lingered. They stayed around the grave sight and chatted quietly. 

Maggie drew him into a hug, a tear or two flowing down her cheek as she squeezed close to him. Her expression showed heartbreak but she smiled through it like she always had with everything else, "Carol told me.. That you found -- " That Rick had been the one to find Herschel who had passed in his sleep. "You're so strong," She whispered through her tears. "He loved you a lot, Ricky. He's in a better place now." 

Rick only held on tighter and nodded his head, thanking her when it was all said and done. His grief made him feel guilty in a way since she was actually the one who'd lost a father. Herschel wasn't related to him biologically but.. Herschel was the only father that he'd ever known. 

Negan stayed by his side through it all, rarely talking for once in his life but always near like a guard dog might be. His eyes were darkened and his jaw was set as if he was expecting a fight, standing behind Rick though if he was trying to be discrete he hadn't managed it. He was far too tall and loomed over the teen without trying. 

Michonne walked up to Rick, the girl from Seaside. He'd never gotten to talk much to her. 

She smiled slightly with a regretful look on her face, "I'm sorry that we haven't talked much and that we're talking now under the circumstances." 

Rick put a polite look on his face and shook his head, "Don't worry about it. We've all got jobs to do and you've been busy settling in." 

However the words 'we've all got jobs to do' made the boy's eyes turn glassy. It had been a saying that Herschel had always used. He felt as if he was a moments away from crumbling and he really didn't want to do this here. Not in front of everyone. 

Thankfully Negan stepped up, "Sorry to cut this short but we've gotta get going." He put a hand on Rick's arm. 

The teen looked over at him, eyes confused. 

"You know, that thing that Carol wanted us to check out. C'mon," Without another word Negan started dragging him away. 

Rick followed him, stumbling along like a baby horse that was trying to find its balance. Carol watched them go with her usual stern look but she didn't say a word as she stood by the grave, carding her fingers through Daryl's hair. 

When the pair stopped they were at the other end of Alexandria. It was a long walk seeing as Alexandria's walls had been extended. They found themselves standing by a shed that had been recently built. Negan had long since let go of his arm and Rick was now kicking at the grass idly, head tilted down.

"Thanks for that, back there." His voice was soft. "I don't know if I could've.. " Rick's head shook and he plopped into the grass. 

Negan followed and sat beside him. "Don't mention it," His tone was gruff before it softened, avoiding Rick's gaze. "I didn't feel like watching those baby blues fill up with tears." 

Rick only shook his head, fingers winding into the grass. "You should probably get going before too long. Simon's gonna be worried." 

"Told him I was going to be here for most of the day. Not like he has any say in it, I'm a grown man." Negan's tone was petulant, negating his 'grown man' words. "Besides.. He wanted to be here. After he heard. He didn't know Herschel all that well but he knew that the man was important." The man's head shook, "He had to deal with some shit at the Sanctuary but he wanted me to tell Carol that he wished he could be here, like those words actually fucking matter." Negan huffed. 

Rick looked over, "They do matter. From what I hear a few years back he wouldn't have cared either way who was dying and who wasn't. It matters." 

The conversation fell after that, Rick picking at the grass and Negan just watching him. Eventually Rick stopped picking at the grass and laid back against the ground, staring up at the sky. 

"Do you think heaven exists?" 

Negan frowned and looked over before laying down as well. He didn't answer. 

"Do you?" Rick prompted again. 

"I.. " Negan sighed. "I don't know what I believe. Hard to think that God would put us through all of this." 

"That's what a lot of people here said. That they used to believe but after the change it was different." The teen paused before going on. "Is this world really so horrible from what it used to be?" He turned to look at Negan, eyes wide and glassy.

Negan swallowed roughly, thinking to himself. He didn't have the answer that Rick wanted. Before he could stop himself he reached over and threaded a hand through Rick's curls again, bringing the teens forehead closer until it touched his own. "This world can't be that horrible if it got us you. If it got us that damn cat. If Herschel got to live a damn long life." 

Rick made a small noise, a whine in the back of his throat as he choked back the words that wanted to bubble up from his chest and the wetness that wanted to seep from his eyes. He clenched his jaw and pressed harder against the forehead, fingers coming up to wind in Negan's shirt. 

Negan took a moment to open his eyes and take in the sight before him. His hand shifted from Rick's curls to his jaw, cupping the strong bone. It would be easy to swipe his thumb across Rick's bottom lip. It would be easy to lean in and slot his own lips against Rick's pink ones. It would be easy. The easiest thing in the world to just shift forward a few inches. 

But yet what would come after would be the hardest. 

Negan felt sickened with himself for the urges running through his mind while Rick was here, practically crying against him. You're a sick man, he thought to himself, though the thought had little effect on his wants. 

Rick eventually opened his eyes too and they laid there, staring at each other. "Negan," He murmured. 

The older one couldn't hide the way his eyes were staring at Rick's lips. He couldn't hide the truth showing in his eyes.

"Negan," The murmur came again.

Negan almost lost control. He almost pushed Rick into the grass more firmly and fit their lips together. Almost. 

One thing stopped him. 

Rick's eyes were still glassy with tears, he still looked so utterly lost. Negan couldn't take advantage of him. No, he wouldn't. 

The twenty two year old leaned back, hands gently urging Rick away. It was the hardest thing to do, especially when he was faced with Rick's confused and yet desperate expression. 

"Wait, Negan. I-- " Rick pushed himself up as Negan abruptly stood up from the ground. His hand reached out. 

"What?" The older one bit out, tone coming out harsher than he'd intended. Self hatred festered in his chest when Rick flinched and drew in on himself. He felt out of his element. He wasn't supposed to have these feelings. He wasn't supposed to care this much.

"Nothing, nothing." Rick's shaky fingers picked at the grass again, turning his eyes away from the other. "You ought'a be going."

Negan stood there for a moment, a scowl on his face. Eventually he stormed off, boots making noise as they stomped through the grass. Rick frowned to himself, blinking his eyes rapidly to stop the blurriness. 

However a moment or two later he heard the same boots walking towards him again. Negan bent down with that same scowl on his face and yanked Rick up into a standing position, "I'm sorry that I'm a dick. I'll be back tomorrow." With that he tugged Rick into a hug that made it hard for him to breathe but soon enough the older one let go and went off stomping again.

The teen was left dumbfounded but gave a slight smile before plopping down into the grass again. Things would be alright, and he half believed himself as he thought it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the angst. This wasn't how I wanted to write this one originally but it sort of worked out I think. Maybe. Let me know what you thought or give a kudos if you enjoyed. Thanks all! :)


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nature takes its course when Rick is nineteen and Negan is twenty five.

In the weeks to come, Negan's words hold true. He comes back the next day after Herschel's funeral and then the day after that, and the day after that. It becomes normal that the two see each other at least four times a week. Alexandrian's get used to seeing Negan strolling down the streets and the Saviors get used to seeing Rick in the halls of the Sanctuary. Life goes on like that for a long time.

 

\---------------

 

Nature takes its course when Rick is nineteen and Negan is twenty five. 

In later years they'll have a name for what had happened, for what had wiped out so many of them. For now all they knew was that there wasn't enough food and people were getting sick. The food supply had been dwindling for nearly a year now, shortly after Rick had been eighteen and the population had been growing. Stores were wiped out and nothing was to be found. They had farms but the year that Rick turned nineteen, a significant amount of their crops died. 

"Bugs, no rain, no anything, we have to do something! This has been going downhill for over a year now. And who do we have to support us? Huh? The Saviors?" Shane's comment earned displeased mutters from some of the people sat around the table. 

"That's not fair, we supply you with other things," Simon started off but Shane was quick to cut him off. 

"We don't need your fucking whiskey! We don't need guns! We need food and we need medicine. Our people are sick and our people are hungry." 

Morgan then stood, a hand on Shane's arm. "What he means to say is that we still value this treaty that we have. We just don't have use for guns when our people are sick and starving. We're holding on now only because of Seaside and the fish that they're providing.. But the Kingdom? Hilltop? Alexandria? All of their supplies are more limited and they're struggling as it is with crops, too." 

Carol hummed, eyes distant but her gaze was planted somewhere on the wall behind Simon. "The bottom line is that we need more. Guns aren't going to help someone who's out of their mind with fever. We need to quarantine the people that are sick. We can't let it spread." 

Rick watched from the back wall, standing with Daryl next to him. Negan was sitting at the table with Simon as all the other adults were. It was odd, seeing him there. Seeing him as a representative of the Sanctuary. 

Simon groaned, throwing his hands in the air. "What do you people want? I'll agree to quarantining but none of our people are sick. Our side of things have never been food, you know that. That's how it's been for years now. Guns and other supplies, that's what we do. Not food." 

Beside him Negan spoke up, "Look, Simon has a point. We can't just.. Just fucking sprout food magically! None of our people even know how to do that." 

And then there was a voice. A voice from the back wall that made everything go silent. Rick Grimes.

"A good start would be growing a bigger garden. One that could be considered a farm. Domesticate some animals. It's been done before and it can be done now." 

Simon gaped, "Do we look like farmers to you? No, no. We'll find a different way. We're not going that." 

"You don't have to. I will." Rick spoke again. 

At that Carol's head whipped around, glaring. "No you will not, Rick Grimes."

Shane was staring as well, looking as though he wanted to intervene but he kept his mouth shut. 

The teen walked up and put a hand on Carol's shoulder, staring at Simon. "I won't be there every day but I could train some of your men and women to do it. I've been farming since I was little and I'm already at the Sanctuary a lot. I can do this." He looked down at Carol. "I can." 

Beside them Negan was grinning, tongue peaking out to swipe over his bottom lip absently. "You know, I do like the sound of that. Deal." 

Simon sighed and nodded his head, "Deal."

 

\---------------

 

When they left the room Carol was quick to call Rick to her. "Rick, you come here. Daryl, go with Shane and get to the front gates." 

Daryl smirked at Rick, knowing that he was in for some trouble but Rick kept trying to tell himself that he was an adult now. Right? Well, a teenager. One that lived under Carol's roof and her rules. 

The boy put on a bashful look, kicking absently at the stones. He sighed and walked up to Carol, fixing her with a pair of pleading blue eyes. "Yes?" 

Carol narrowed her eyes at him, "Looking at me like that won't get you out of anything," She spoke coolly. 

Rick just gave a smile, "I figured it wouldn't. Though I don't understand why you're against this." His smile dampened. "You always taught me to help people. Herschel taught me that, too. He would've wanted me to step up. I won't sit back and watch people die from starvation. If this is how I help.. I'm doing it." 

Carol looked at him for a long while and brought a hand up, cupping his jaw that the baby fat had been stripped away from. "You're so much like your father sometimes," Came her voice. 

They were silent until she gave one nod, a sign of approval before she turned and walked away.

 

\---------------

 

Coming back to Alexandria was like coming to a ghost town. 

It was odd in a way. Their town had more people than it ever had. More than it could support but yet.. The occupants were no where to be seen. Most were in their houses. Some were off on runs, hoping that they'd run across a miracle. A few were out at the fields and with the animals, trying to save their dying crops. An uncomfortably large amount was quarantined away, sick without medicine to help.

"C'mon," Rick nudged at Daryl and the two walked towards the animal pens. 

A stench hit him before he made the entrance. Rick stopped short, covering his face with his hand to try and stave of the odor. 

Daryl only grimaced, "The fuck's that?" 

The two walked through the pens before eventually coming across the pig pen. One of the pigs was laying in the grass, flies surrounding her. Dead. 

"Mary Lou," Rick murmured at the pig that he'd named. 

They'd had the pig since it had been a piglet. It seemed foolish to be upset over something as small as a pig but he couldn't help it. Daryl's hand tugged at his arm and his body went easily. 

"C'mon, man. Gotta go tell someone." 

They went, the stench of their dying animals following them as they walked. 

 

\---------------

 

Rick was scheduled to go to the Sanctuary five days later. A message had been sent, saying that they'd found the space and some seeds that they wanted to give a try. That morning the sun wasn't up yet but Rick walked down the stairs with his pack on, ready to leave. 

"U-uh, sit. Breakfast." Carol placed some dried meat in front of him. It was a small portion and it seemed to get smaller as the days went. 

"Thanks, Carol. I'll eat it on my way out. See you later." With that he kissed the woman on the cheek and was out of the house. 

Before leaving Alexandria he made a stop at a woman's house. She was older, around what Herschel had been. She was always kind but the lack of food had been getting to her as well, causing her to be bed ridden most days. 

"Rick Grimes, is that you?" Her rickety voice called when he'd walked into the home. 

The boy smiled, "It sure is, ma'am." He walked over into her living room and found her bundled up on a couch. It was warm out but her bones were weary and the slightest breezes caused her a chill. He knelt by her. 

"I came to give ya something." He held up the dried meat. "Want you to eat on this for the morning, yeah?" 

The old woman sighed, "Ricky, now.. Are you sure you can be sparing this?" 

"Absolutely. I already had my breakfast. This was just some extra. Now I've gotta get going but you have a nice day, Miss Lily." And with that, he was off. 

He'd been doing that for weeks now. In the morning he would give his breakfast away to someone that would need it, along with a portion of the other food he got during the day. He gave it to someone elderly, sick or a household with children in it. He could handle it. 

 

\---------------

 

Negan wasn't there to greet him when he arrived at the Sanctuary. Instead, Dwight was. The two of them had never particularly gotten along but it had been getting better. Over the years they'd gotten a little more close and had an understanding of one another. 

"Hey," Rick greeted, walking past the gates. 

Dwight hummed and tilted his head oddly in a nod. "Hey." And that was that. 

Dwight showed him the space that he had to work with and the seeds that they'd gotten. 

"Where's Negan at?" He asked as casually as he could, looking through the seeds. 

Dwight sighed and shrugged, "Late night. Was off with a girl, I'd be surprised if he shows up at all." The words weren't anything new but they still caused his chest to lose all of it's warmth. 

"Let's get started," Rick said instead of cursing or letting out some pathetic noise at the news. 

It didn't seem as though Simon was taking the assignment seriously enough since he'd only sent Dwight to help but he tried to not let it bother him. Instead he focused on the beans that he'd be planting. 

By the end of the day they at least got the land ready, the dirt upturned and the beans planted in the ground. It was hard work that made him shake and sweat. There was a handful of times he had to stop because black dots swarmed his vision, making him feel like he may fall to the side or lose his balance. 

"Rick?" That was Dwight. 

"I'm fine," Rick answered every time. 

When it was all said and done Rick sat heavily on the grass in front of their makeshift garden and Dwight was sat with him. 

"Farming sucks," Dwight huffed out. 

It worked a slight chuckle out of Rick, "I can't disagree with you on that today." He fell back against the ground, looking up at the sky. Black dots returned and he closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see it. 

"Are you sure you're okay," Dwight started off again but in the distance a door banged open. 

"Farmer Rick!" It was Negan, "And holy hell, what do we have here? Farmer Dwight? Well, shit. This is rich." The older one's pants were undone and he wasn't wearing a shirt. "I would've come out to help but I got a little.. Caught up." Instead of the proud tone that he usually used it was more subdued. Like a part of him may be ashamed. 

Rick looked up and he didn't try to hide the distaste in his eyes. The hurt. "I should get going. Thanks for the help, Dwight." 

The stringy haired one only nodded his head, out of breath and tired. 

"Rick!" Negan called after him. Rick ignored him and pushed himself up, gathering his things to leave. The action made him sway slightly but he kept on walking, face pale and body sweaty. "Shit, Rick. No hello for me? What the hell climbed up your ass?" 

The venomous look that he was sent got him to pause, staring at Rick guiltily. 

The teen swallowed roughly and forced the swaying in his body to stop, "I know you think you're hot shit now because you're Simon's right hand man but that doesn't mean you can forget about everything that doesn't include you getting laid." 

He walked away again only for his arm to be snatched up. He was pulled. His body wasn't in any state to resist. Rick stumbled and Negan caught him, hands bracing him. One on his ribs and one on his shoulder. 

Negan's eyes flew wide open as soon as he felt the bones. "Rick.. " 

"I'm fine," The teen ripped himself away quickly, quicker than he should've. The momentum sent himself stumbling to the ground. His cheeks grew hot and he struggled to get up but Negan was there, his strong hands and arms helping him up, boxing him in. His vision was black, making his fingers scrabble to hold onto something.

"There's no way you're going back tonight. Fuck that. If you aren't going to explain what's going on then you're staying here and you're sleeping. And eating." 

For once Rick didn't protest. His muscles felt like jelly and he let Negan escort him inside, slumping heavily onto him. 

Rick didn't remember much of the walk into the Sanctuary. They stopped once to talk to someone, though he couldn't recall who it'd been.

"What's wrong with him?" The voice had asked. 

"Oh, you know. He was working outside. The little guy got himself tuckered out. He'll be alright." 

The teen felt a feint rage at such words but he couldn't make his body or mouth move. Instead Rick stumbled along, most of his weight carried along by Negan until he was dumped on a bed. 

It was comfortable and he turned his head to the side, his nose buried in the pillow. He hummed absently, enjoying the scent. 

"Rick?" 

"What?" The teen groggily muttered. 

"You gonna tell me what the hell that was about?" Negan's voice had lost it's humor. 

"Which part?" 

An angry sound was released into the room. "The part where you nearly passed out. That part. You know, the important fucking part?" 

The teen sighed, "I'm a little tired. It's fine. I'm fine." 

Negan snarled, "Stop saying that word! It's not even true! What-- You think looking like skin 'n bones is fine? That passing out is fine?" 

"I'm not-- " 

"Stop lying!" 

Rick opened his eyes then to stare at Negan. The man looked genuinely worried. Upset. It made him sigh. "Negan.. " 

The older one shook his head and pulled away from the arm that Rick was reaching out. "No. Here's what's gonna happen. You're taking a shower, you're eating and you're sleeping here." 

Rick's lips pressed together, frowning but nodding. "Alright. Just for the night."

 

\---------------

 

Negan had dreamed about this before. Rick using his shower. Rick wearing his clothes. Rick on his bed. But none of it had been in this context. In none of it, Rick had been bony and on the verge of passing out. This was different. This made his stomach churn with guilt. 

Why hadn't he seen it? Why hadn't anyone else? Negan had thought that Rick had been skinnier than usual but then again, everyone in Alexandria was like that. The food was at a low and everyone was shedding a pound or two. It was like that at the Sanctuary too, only they'd stockpiled a bunch of canned foods. Though.. When that was gone, they'd be in the same position.

It felt drastic. If Rick was stumbling around like a baby animal trying to find its' balance.. There had to be some damage done. 

Rick was in the shower next to his room and Negan got some clothes for him. He opened the door quietly to the bathroom, planning on leaving the clothes on the counter and getting out but something stopped him short of that. Rick Grimes was naked and in his shower. And the shower stall was clear. 

The teen hadn't noticed him yet but Negan could see him. Instead of enjoying the sight of a naked Rick, he couldn't take pleasure from it at all. All that he saw were ribs that stood out and hip bones that protruded far too much. It made his stomach churn yet again, feeling guilt. 

He'd been too worried about getting his dick wet than thinking of what was happening with other communities. Were things really that bad? None of them had taken the farming gig seriously, but.. 

Negan made himself leave, placing the clothes on the counter and leaving Rick to continue washing his hair, oblivious to the eyes that had scanned over him. 

He kept telling himself that he was fucking all of these girls to get over Rick. To forget about the pathetic crush that he had for the teen. But every time he continued on the sex just left him with an uncomfortable feeling inside and a bitter taste. A part of him wished that he'd kissed Rick back then, on that night when Herschel had been put to rest. But he knew that it wouldn't have been right. And that was the problem, wasn't it? The time was never right. 

Negan sighed to himself and started stripping off his clothes.

 

\---------------

 

Rick still felt a bit weak but the water was soothing on his aching muscles. He washed his hair and scrubbed at his body until his skin had a pink tinge to it. 

Negan's clothes met him when he came out of the shower stall. Every movement felt taxing, like it was taking something from him but he eventually got the clothes on. The pants were cotton and far too long on him, going over his feet. The shirt fit better though it did show off his sharp collar bones. Discretely the teen lifted the collar of the shirt up to his nose, inhaling greedily before forcing himself out of the room. 

He was met with a nearly naked Negan. The Savior was standing there in his underwear. 

"I-- Sorry- " Rick struggled with words, eyes roaming over Negan's body. His cheeks blazed red and he averted his eyes. His apologies were met with a warm chuckle. 

"Don't worry about, Rick. I'm not shy. Besides, you only caught me in my undies. Be considered lucky I'm wearing some, I usually sleep nude." 

Rick choked on air at the statement, unable to tell if the other was joking or not but Negan had clearly gotten the reaction that he'd wanted and was grinning in a pleased way. 

"Here, sit the fuck down. You're making me nervous. I have a can of.. " Negan picked up the can, squinting. "Noodles and chicken. Go wild." He tossed it onto the bed and pulled on a pair of sweats. 

Rick furrowed his brow. "Negan.. I can't take this. This isn't my food, you guys are going to need to save it." 

"Rick." 

"Negan." 

"Rick, damn it. I will force feed you if I have to. Or better yet, I'll tattle to Carol about you." 

Both of the statements got Rick to sigh in defeat and open the can up reluctantly. After ten minutes the contents of the can was gone and Negan was sitting beside him, a frown set on his lips. 

"Look," He started. "I won't tell Carol. But if you keep.. Doing this? I will." 

Rick furrowed his brows, "Doing what?" 

"Don't act dumb. I know you're not eating enough. But do I see Carol passing out? Do I see Shane wheezing for breath? Do I see that little fucker Daryl stumbling around? No. I don't. I see you doing all of that shit by yourself." Rick didn't say a word. "Don't test me, Grimes. I'll force feed you if it comes to that. Don't think that I won't." 

The comment got the teen's lips to twitch up. "Alright. I'll eat more, okay?" 

Negan seemed to be satisfied, though still on edge. "Good, now. Sleep. It's late." The older one stood up. 

"Negan, this is your bed. I'm not taking your bed. I'll sleep on the floor or something." 

"Don't be dumb, I'm not letting you sleep on the floor." 

"Then where are you sleeping?" Rick asked. 

"The floor," Negan bluntly replied. 

Rick released a groan, "God.. You're so.. So infuriating sometimes," He huffed before settling. "How about.. We could share the bed. If you wanted. It's big enough." 

At that Negan's lips stretched into a smile. "You wanna have a sleepover with me, huh?" 

The teen blushed. 

"Count me in, Grimes."

 

\---------------

 

The two spent the night shoulder to shoulder and playing on some old gaming system that miraculously still worked. Rick was not very good at it. 

"Wait.. How do I.. " Rick fumbled with the controller. 

"Rick, I told you how to play five fucking times, it's not my fault you aren't catching on." The teen elbowed him, causing his controller to veer off and made his character die. "God damn it!" 

Rick laughed endlessly, feeling much better after his bath and noodles that he'd eaten. They were twenty five and nineteen, but both acting like they twelve all over again. It made them forget about the bad happening. 

Eventually Rick fell asleep against his shoulder, pink lips parted and his baby blue eyes closed. Negan discarded their controllers and only paused for a moment before laying down fully, tugging the light body against his own. He looped an arm around Rick's waist and ignored the way he could feel the poky ribs and instead tangled up their legs. Rick stayed asleep, or at least half asleep but pressed his face against Negan's chest, nose nuzzling into the bare skin. Thunder clouds rolled in from the distance but neither noticed, too wrapped up in one another, slumbering away for the night. 

 

\---------------

 

Rick stirred to a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. His body felt tingly in the best of ways and without thinking his hips thrust forward. 

The teen was hard from the night as it sometimes went but there was something there.. Something hot and hard pressing against him. Rick moaned, half asleep with his eyes closed, bucking his hips again in search of that feeling. 

And then there was a groan, only it wasn't his. It was someone else. Someone's else's hips pressing against his own, someone's hands on his hips. 

Rick's breath hitched, "Negan," He murmured, a flush spreading down his body as they grinded together lazily. It was like he didn't realize what he was doing, just led purely by instinct as was Negan. 

And then there was a loud bang on the door. And a yell. "Negan! Are you up? We need to talk, now!" 

That got the two to wake up fast, eyes opening and springing away from each other. Rick's skin was pink, an obvious hard on showing through the sweats. Negan wasn't in any better shape, a tent showing through his sweats with a heaving chest. 

"Negan! Now!" The voice came again. 

Negan snarled, "Give me a minute!" And like that the trance was broken. Negan got out of the bed as quick as he could to answer the door while Rick stumbled out himself, confused and shaky on his feet. Rick rushed around as fast as his body let him, grabbing at his clothes from yesterday. He could hear voices. 

"Is Rick with you?" The voiced asked. 

"Yeah-- Yes, he stayed here last night. Why?" 

There was silence. "Why?" Negan demanded. 

"There's been an incident at Alexandria."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys liked this one, I enjoyed writing it. Leave a comment letting me know what think or a kudos if you liked it. Thanks all! :) 
> 
> also sorry for typos, I'm horrible with checking them


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world had to be okay if he could still feel something like this.

The ground was nothing but mush in some areas. Rain still came down, drizzling. The storm of the last night had attracted a few walkers to the community, a small herd of them but nothing that they couldn't handle. 

When Alexandria was in sight Rick broke into a run, leaving Negan behind. There's no one at the gate. There's no one watching. It set him on edge. 

He's scaled the walls before and he does it now, climbing over and shoving his feet into the foot holes. It's not as easy as it once had been with how weak he feels. For the first time in that day he's thankful that Negan had forced him to scarf something down for breakfast before they'd gotten here. 

"Rick!" It's Negan but he doesn't stop.

The teen stumbled, muscles still too weak and his body not ready for such activity so soon. He fumbled once he got to the other side and he when he'd gotten halfway down he fell, smudging himself on the mud. 

Rick can hear shouts. He can smell rot. His wobbly legs struggled as he ran as fast as he could towards the commotion. When he sees, his stomach falls and so does he. 

The quarantined sick house has its doors open and there's a pile of bodies next to it. 

"Rick!" Shane ran towards him. 

"What-- " Rick forced himself to his feet, his lungs heaving to get in some breath. He started towards the house. 

"Rick, no," Shane cut him off, his body like a solid brick wall. 

"No! I have to go!" His body didn't stand a chance as Shane held him back. He can tell that there's people on the inside of the sick house. There's people sitting on the side walks, expressions crumpled. 

"Rick!" Shane barked, hands shaking the boy into looking at him.

"What happened? What-- " 

"Look at me, damn it! Rick!" 

Rick made himself stop, his glassy eyes meeting Shane's. "What happened, Shane?" His voice is strained. 

Shane looked sick, his face ashen and defeated. "They.. " He started. "One turned. In the night. It went from there." 

Rick didn't move, he didn't speak. He stared at the pile of bodies on the ground. 

"It was contained to the sick house mostly. A few of 'em managed to get out'a bed. Most were too weak." Shane sighed roughly, hand scrubbing over his own scalp. "Fuck, Rick. It was a frenzy, opening those doors. All of 'em were just.. "

Rick thought back to all that had been sick and waiting medication. Waiting with hope. There'd been a child or two, elderly, adults. The sickness had not discriminated, it just took. It took and took and now.. Everyone was gone. "All of them?" The words were hard to force from his mouth. 

"Few of 'em got out. Two or three, I think. The doors opened, some of the turned ones wandered out. Got a few- " Shane's lips pressed into a line and then he looked back to the sick house where the doors were open. "There's a few in there. The ones that were already sick and were in there when it started. They're bit. Not sure how much time they have now." 

There's nothing that can be said. They both stare at the scene in front of them. 

Behind them Negan skids to a halt, mouth open and eyes wide. "Shit.. " 

"Carol, Daryl, the others, are they- " Rick's voice is splintered. 

"They're okay." 

All of a sudden there's another yell of his name. "Rick!" 

It's Daryl. 

The younger teen is clearly shaken. It's not long before they've crashed into each other, hugging tight. "I thought that you'd.. I didn't know where you were," Daryl's voice was a murmur. 

"I'm sorry, brother. I'm here."

Rick's arms are tight around his brother, facing the sick house that is occupied by people who are awaiting their death. He lookef to the pile of bodies but when he saw familiar faces his eyes clenched shut. 

 

\---------------

 

There's nothing to do but wait. The people that are bit know their fate. One asked for it to be over, wanted the gun shot right away. The other two wanted to wait. They wanted sleep to take them first. 

Despite Carol's wishes Rick helped with pulling the remaining bodies from the sick house. He wore one of Daryl's bandanas around his face as a feeble attempt to block away the germs. Daryl followed suit. Soon enough, Negan does too. It's silent work. By noon the remaining dead is out of the sick house and piled with the others. 

Rick's sat on the side walk, Negan sat along with him. "You shouldn't have done that," He commented with a distant look in his eyes. 

"Done what?" 

"You went in without a bandana on. You breathed in that air." 

Negan frowned, "You really figure your bandana did that much help?" 

Rick fell silent and stared at the ground.

Negan's sitting close to him, their shoulders pressed together. "I'm sorry, Rick," He starts after a moment or two, face regretful. 

The teen was quiet for a long while before shaking his head. "They were sick, they were hungry and it only took one of them to turn and - " His voice broke off and his eyes shut. 

"Fuck, Rick. I know." Negan's apologies seem useless now. He can only bring one hand up to massage at the back of Rick's neck, coaxing the teen to lean against him. 

They seem to touch the most in the wake of tragedies. They take comfort from each other. While Negan wished that this world was different he soaked up the touches while he could get them. 

After awhile Rick stood up, sighing. "I'm going to check around town with some of the others. Make sure everyone's okay." 

"Are you sure you should be doing that? I saw you in there while we were pulling bodies. You had to stop a few times. Looked like you were going to pass out." 

"Not right now, Negan." 

Negan's eyes narrowed and he felt irrationally angry, giving on shake of his head. "Do what you want."

With that they part, Rick walking slowly towards the other side of Alexandria while Negan marched straight to Carol. 

"We need to talk."

 

\---------------

 

It felt odd being in the house without Rick in it. When Negan had gone into this house before Rick was always there. He'd always been with a crowd of people. Things are strained and different now with just himself and Carol. It seems too big, an awkwardness filling up the space between them. 

Carol walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter with her arms crossed, her eyes traced every movement that happened outside of the window. Negan didn't say anything for a moment or two, just leaned against the opposite counter with his own arms crossed. 

"You're usually the chatter mouth, aren't you? The loud one," Carol commented. "You brought me in here to talk. Talk." 

"It's about Rick." 

That gets Carol to look at him, one brow cocked. She didn't seem to be surprised. "Go on," She granted. 

"There's something wrong with him." 

That's the statement that got Carol to look confused for a moment, as if she'd been expecting something different. Then her face went sharp with concern. "What do you mean?" Her eyes looked out the window again as if prepared to see Rick fall to the ground. 

Negan sighed roughly, "I mean if you take off his shirt you can see all of his fucking rib bones." Carol was silent and he went on. "He's not eating. I don't know if you think that he is, or if he's tricking you- " His head shook. "He's not eating. That's why he stayed over last night at the Sanctuary. He was working on the garden with Dwight and he nearly passed out. The little shit's too stubborn to listen to me. I told him if he didn't I would tattle to you. So.. Here I am," The man finished lamely, suddenly feeling much younger than twenty five. 

Carol stayed silent for awhile longer, "If you'd known his father you wouldn't be surprised. He never met the man and yet he's nearly a copy of him. Always the first to sacrifice something." Her voice was distant as were her eyes. 

Negan nodded once, tucking his thumbs into his belt loops. He took a step back after another minute of silence, his boot loud in the silent home. The noise made him cringe and he made his way off towards the door with the intent to leave but Carol's voice stopped him short. 

"Thank you," She called out, her tone even. Negan looked at her. "For tattling on him. Thank you, Negan." 

A ghost of a smile appeared on Negan's lips and his head jerked in a nod before he left. 

 

\---------------

 

By the end of the day Rick looked like a baby animal again, stumbling around and trying to find his balance. It's clear that he'd pushed himself too hard, too fast with the lack of food that he's been giving himself. 

The dead are set aside, some buried but they hadn't been able to put all away yet. Some just laid there, reminders of their failure to keep their community safe and alive. Of the three that were bit there is only one left. He's younger, in his twenties. Tonight he will fall asleep in the arms of a girl that loves him who will be pressing kisses to his brow and keeping him close in an intimate way. By morning he will be put to rest. 

Rick hadn't been particularly close to the two but it struck a cord within him, making him think of Negan without even meaning to. 

When he gets into his home Carol is waiting for him. There's dried meat on the table. 

"Eat." 

"Carol," The teen started out. 

"Don't fight with me. Sit down and eat." Her eyes roamed over him in a clinical way that made him want to shrink away. He knows that she knows. If he hadn't had his answer before, the guilty look on Negan's face is answer enough. The teen sat and ate the meat, mechanically chewing at it until it was all gone. 

Carol sighed before walking over, bending to press a kiss to his head. The older woman whispered to him. "Don't do this again, sunshine. Not ever." Her voice is sharp but laced with care. 

It wasn't long before she'd left and had gone away to go upstairs, most likely going to coax Daryl back into his room instead of laying on roof like the teen did in times like these. Shane was patrolling the streets and that left Rick and Negan in the kitchen together. 

"You told her," Rick spoke softly. 

Negan stared back, "What, are you waiting for me to say that I didn't? Because I did. I told you before that I would." 

"There was nothing to tell. I had it handled," The teen starts. 

"You had nothing handled," Negan's voice is harsh with anger, eyes a stormy color. The older one let go of a breath before speaking in a more calm fashion, "I told you, Rick. I told you and you didn't listen. I'm not going to let you starve yourself." 

Rick glared, "And I'm not going to watch my community starve." 

"We'll figure it out. We will. Simon's coming tomorrow with more supplies. I sent Arat to go get him. He's coming in the morning to speak with Shane, Morgan and Carol again." 

"What good will that do? We had a talk a week ago. No one listened." 

Negan groaned, "We'll listen this time, alright? Fuck, I know we should've in the first place but I can't change that we didn't. I can only try to listen now."

Rick nodded his head once before he stood up. "We should take a shower, we're both dirty." 

Negan couldn't help the cocked brow at the way it was said. It sent Rick into a fit, cheeks blushing and eyes going wide. 

"I -- " He fumbled. "You know I didn't mean it like that," The teen huffed. "Now c'mon." 

The two walked upstairs together and no one in the house said a word or asked Negan to leave when they realized that Negan would be staying in Rick's room for the night.

 

\---------------

 

"Look, Rick. No offense but I don't think this shit is gonna fit me." Negan's stood in his underwear again. It seemed to be a common theme. Rick tried not to stare. 

"It's not going to fit if you just look at it. Try something on."

Negan scowled and tossed the shirt away, "Fuck that. I know it's not gonna fit me and I'm not going to have you bitching at me when I stretch out your fancy clothes." 

Rick sent the other an exasperated look, to which he got a grin in reply. Though it was true. Even though Rick had claimed that he would grow when he'd been a child, he hadn't. He'd grown enough, he supposed. He looked around his age but he wasn't as tall as Negan, which had been something that he'd aspired for. Negan wouldn't fit into any of his clothes and it was better not to fight with the other about it. Besides, after the day that they'd had he wanted to crash into his bed. Rick wore cotton sleep pants and a t-shirt while Negan stayed in his underwear. 

"Tight fit," Negan commented when they both got into the bed. 

They didn't comment on the fact that they were getting into bed with each other again. They didn't comment on the fact that it felt nearly normal. Thankfully Rick didn't comment on the fact that Socks was not in the room as usual since Negan didn't want to explain how he'd kicked the cat out and into the hallway.

They were both laying on their sides, staring at each other. Negan watched Rick for a moment or two, getting that intense urge to tug the other closer. To make sure that he was okay. His eyes fell to Rick's lips, staring. It's not the right time, he thought to himself. It's never the right time. 

"You get this look in your eyes sometimes," Rick murmured. "It makes me think that you're going to.. " 

"To what?" Negan asked, challenging. 

Rick's eyes dropped away and he changed the subject after what seemed like an eternity of silence. "There's so many people leaving lately. And I.. I don't want to leave. I don't want anyone to leave. I don't want you to leave."

"Rick, I'm not leaving," Negan whispered. 

The teen didn't look at him. 

"Hey, look at me. I thought I proved already that I'm a stubborn fucker. I'm not going anywhere."

After a moment or two Rick looked up, eyes dim. His fingers came out and nudged shyly against Negan's chest. "Promise me."

Negan knew that he shouldn't promise it. He's a flake, he'd always been a flake. And he's evaded death this far but there's no telling what his future holds. "I promise. It won't ever be by my choice, kid." 

That gets a groan from Rick, "When are you going to stop calling me that? When are you going to stop seeing me as a kid?" It's an outburst, louder than their usual tones. Rick seems as shocked by it as Negan is. "I .. I just want- " He nearly whimpered in his frustration, the sound half slipping out.

"What, Rick?" 

"I wanna-- " Rick's breath hitched, his chest tightening. They're far too close, Negan's hand having smoothed up the curve of his hip. 

The older one swallowed with a click of his throat, "Fuck, Rick. Tell me. Tell me what you want." 

Rick barely opened his mouth before a pair of lips are pressed against his own. 

It's a press of the lips and nothing more before Negan's pulling away, looking at him with a questioning expression. The nineteen year old nodded rapidly before the lips were back. 

Negan let his kiss linger this time, his hand smoothing up to cup Rick's jaw. It's clear that Rick is inexperienced at this. Vaguely he wonders if Rick's had any experience at all but he decides not to dwell on it. It's endearing and sets a fire inside of him all the same. 

The older one let his tongue trace over Rick's bottom lip, eliciting a shiver from him. Negan's angling Rick's head where he wants and it feels so damned comforting, so right, like they should have been doing this a long time ago. And more than that, it feels like it means something. It scares Negan because it's different but those thoughts fly right the fuck out of his head when he slips his tongue into Rick's mouth. 

Rick is moaning softly against him, eyes closed and his brow furrowed. Negan's hand keeps moving, sliding down his body again to land on his side, under his shirt. The hand is big and warm and Rick pushed against it, tongue thrusting gently against Negan's as they find their rhythm. The kiss is nearly clumsy and he loves it, he loves it so much. 

Negna's lips broke away and he stared down at Rick. The other looked dazed with pink lips and he can't resist from kissing him again, and again before moving his mouth to the pale neck. His teeth scraped at one spot and Rick threw his head back, his own fingers having found their way into Negan's hair. 

"Negan," He murmured.

"Hm?" The older responded, sucking at the spot as his fingers smoothed up, brushing over one nipple. 

Rick bucked his hips with a small whine, pressing against the other. "Negan," He struggled to say again. 

"Been wanting this for so long. So long, Rick," It's sincere and soft, contrasting against his sharp teeth that nip at pale skin. 

The teen brought his hand down and onto Negan's hand which had been resting on his rib cage. He laced their fingers together and squeezed. It was a confirmation that he'd felt the same way. 

"So long," Rick murmured to him as well in an echo, lips brushing against each others. 

It'll be okay, Negan thought to himself. The world had to be okay if he could still feel something like this. 

 

\---------------

 

By morning Alexandria is quiet. People are mourning their loss, people are seeking comfort in one another. The digging will commence soon and they will lay their friends to rest but for now the community is silent. 

Rick shifted in the arms that held him and heard a petulant sounding noise from the man behind him. Negan's arm dragged him closer, puffing out a breath against his ear before falling still again. He turned around until his nose brushed against the slight hair on Negan's chest. He was still in his sweat pants while the other was still in just underwear. They hadn't gone beyond kissing but that was okay.

It was okay because Negan promised to stick around, Rick thought to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, it happened. They did the thing. The kissing, at least. Hope you guys enjoyed how it ended up! Your support is always appreciated, I love every comment and kudos!


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What, you aren't gonna say hello?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for the chapter at the end notes!

Rick was pushed backwards and his back hit the wall with a dull thud. No sooner Negan was in between his legs and hiking one thigh up, holding it at his own hip. 

"Fuck," Negan breathed against Rick's lips, eyes shut. "Been wanting this all day. Watching you strut around, seeing those cheeks flame up." 

The teen whimpered as their hips came in contact, his thigh clenching in the hold that Negan's warm hand had it in. Rick tangled his fingers into Negan's hair and pressed their lips together. 

He was still getting the hang of kissing since his experience was very limited. He'd kissed Michonne before but it had been only a few pecks, making butterflies swarm his stomach. They'd both agreed to stay close friends after that instead of continuing on with kissing. Maybe even back then Michonne had sensed something between he and Negan but either way, he's glad for the experience. 

Negan let Rick lead the kiss, coaxing him into deepening it before they had to break. The older one pulled his head away and tucked his face into Rick's neck, holding on tight.

After the shift in their relationship the world seemed to speed up. The time that he had with Negan seemed fleeting. True to word, Simon had came the very next day to talk more with other group leaders. Once the man saw the destruction in the community he'd softened, agreeing to take the farming more seriously and said that they'd share the canned food that they had left. Negan was always busy with Simon and Rick was always busy with Shane, both carrying out orders and helping their own communities. 

They still needed medicine. That was the main concern. While their sick population had died out, the germs still lingered and two of the men that had dragged out the bodies from the sick house were already ill. They had nothing to help them with but canned corn and dried meat along with the occasional medicine tablets that were meant for small headaches or stomach pains. 

The children of the community were starting to call their disease 'red throat'. It was a horrid name but it fit. It came from all the coughing that they did. Patients would cough and cough and cough until blood came out, staining their lips and throat. 

Thankfully Negan's lips on his neck got the thoughts to go away although the other must have noticed his wandering mind. "Hey, what's wrong?" Dark eyes peered at him. 

"Just thinking." 

"About?" 

Rick's face screwed up, "Nothing good." 

Negan cocked a brow in a silent question but Rick shook his head. He didn't want to rehash thoughts that Negan most likely already knew. The older one let a slow smile come to his face, "Wanna let me help you forget, then?"

Before Rick could answer there was a knock at the door and that caused the two to spring apart. 

Daryl came in less than a few seconds later, his eyes narrowed. "Only knocked 'cause I could hear what you two been doing. Fuckin' gross." 

Rick's cheeks bloomed pink, "We were only kissing!" 

Daryl rolled his eyes, not seeming surprised by the string of events at all. "Don't care. Thought you should know Shane an' Simon are looking for both of ya." And with that, he was gone. 

Rick sagged against the wall, "Well, I guess Daryl knows." 

"That little shit finds out everyone's business. Don't worry about it. He won't tell." Negan's shoulders shrugged. 

Rick watched as the other walked over to pull on his leather jacket. "Would it be so bad?" He asked cautiously. "If people knew. Would it be so bad?" 

That got the twenty five year old pause, his back tensing through his white t-shirt. "Rick.. " The word trailed off until it was silent in the room. 

It was answer enough and the teen snatched up his gun belt and knife before leaving the room, not hearing the heavy sigh or the sound his bed made when Negan sat down onto it to bury his head in his hands. 

 

\---------------

 

Shane announced a trip later that day. 

"There's no telling how long this is going to take. We have a few destinations in mind, a few pharmacy's that aren't in bigger cities. We've hit the ones all in a days trip from here. It's time to go further." Shane was speaking to Alexandria as a whole. "Now, I'm not asking for everyone to volunteer. I get it, if you've got family? There's no guarantee that we're getting back to them anytime soon. You all know the risks of going on trips like this. Think it over, come talk to me if you're interested. I need three more people, we already have Saviors signed up." With that the man walked away, leaving the community to murmur amongst themselves. 

Rick immediately followed him. "I want to go." 

Without turning Shane answered, "You're not going, Rick." 

They were outside now and Rick latched onto one of Shane's arms to make him stop walking. "Why not?" 

Shane didn't answer. 

"If you're going to tell me that I can't go then you're going to tell me why." Rick let go of his arm and they stood there, Shane in front of him and facing away. Silence was the only thing that followed Rick's words. "If you can't give me an answer then I'm going," He huffed, looking at the back of Shane's head. "I-- I want to help. Why can't you let me help?" The silence stretched on until Shane finally piped up. 

"We're leaving tomorrow before sunrise. Be ready or I'm leaving without ya." The man was already walking away but Rick couldn't stop his grin

"Thanks, Shane!"

 

\---------------

 

Rick sat on the front steps to his house, sharpening his knife. Socks was sitting nearby on the porch railing, tail swishing idly. He could hear Daryl inside, fighting with Carol because he wanted to go on the trip. He wanted so badly to be of help but they won't let him. Rick tried to bury the guilt that he felt, knowing that his brother wouldn't be able to look at him tonight and instead focused back on his knife. 

He didn't look up from his knife until a person stopped in front of him. All he could see were legs and shoes but he knew who it is. 

"Heard that you're leaving." Negan's voice was tight and clipped. 

"You heard right." Rick still didn't look up from his knife. 

A sigh broke from the older one and soon Negan came to sit beside him on the steps. 

"Surprised that you're not. Simon was looking for people," The teen started out, finally looking up. 

Negan's lips pulled in a scowl, "No, Simon didn't want me going. He's going to have too many people gone already. He wants me to stay and run the Sanctuary while everyone's gone." It sounded like everything that Negan could want. The other had always wanted that power, to see what it would be like to be in that position. 

"You don't look happy," He murmured. 

"I'm not," Came Negan's harsh voice. "Hell, Rick. You're going to be gone for.. Shit, how long? We don't even know. You shouldn't be out there. You're still weak and you need to rest, you shouldn't be out there without -- Without me! I should be going if you're going!" The outburst was loud and it filled up the night. 

"Negan, " Rick murmured. 

"No! You can't make it better because you don't know what's going to happen out there. They could come back and you could be gone! Just one of those dead fucks!" Negan's jaw was clenched and his eyes were shut, head hung low. 

"Look at me, please?" Rick's voice was soft, fingers dropping the knife. It clattered against one of the steps. 

Finally the other looked at him, eyes clouded with emotion. Before Rick could get a word out a small ball of fur forced its way between them, letting out a loud meow. Rick breathed out a huff of amusement while Negan dropped his head into a hand, exasperated. Socks cautiously placed a paw on Negan's thigh, looking at the man curiously. Negan peered from his hand, narrowing his eyes at the cat. 

"Vermin," He muttered but pet at the cat. 

The pair stayed like that, petting Socks and forgetting about their problems for a little while. 

"I don't know what you want from me, Negan," Rick eventually murmured. His eyes stayed on the cat. "I.. I don't understand it." His throat grew tight with emotion. "You kiss me and then.. Then you say people can't know. And then you come here, angry with me for leaving." He withdrew his hand. "I don't understand." 

That's when it truly struck Negan. He was the first relationship that Rick had ever had. Rick hadn't ever had a girlfriend or a boyfriend, perhaps he'd had his first kiss before but to his knowledge that's where Rick's experience stopped. It made his chest ache, realizing that Rick truly didn't understand. He didn't deserve to have Negan yanking him around like he was. "Rick.. " 

The teen's jaw clenched. "And there you go again!" He huffed. "You're always saying my name like that, like it'll excuse everything. Like I should understand why you won't talk to me." Negan just stared. "You're always talking and now you're silent? Just.. Just say something!" Rick's eyes were glistening and it made Negan's lips finally move. 

"I don't do this, okay? I don't. I fuck women." Negan's words were harsh and Rick flinched at them. "I fuck women and I sure as shit don't let them sleep in my bed. I sure as shit don't let them use my shower, or play video games with them," The man breathed in heavily. "I don't with them and I do with you." His eyes were wide, staring at Rick. "I'm not going to be good at this but I'm trying, alright?"

It was Rick's turn to just stare until Negan brought up a hand, cupping his jaw. "I'm trying," He breathed out before swooping in for a kiss. It was softer than their previous ones, fluid and longing as their lips moved against each other. "We can tell the others, alright?" His voice was deep and comforting. 

Rick's shoulders sagged and his head nodded. "Okay," He leaned in for another kiss. 

They sat there for awhile, hands holding each other close and kissing slowly. Negan's tongue pushed into Rick's mouth lazily, taking his time as he mapped the other out. It was risky, doing this in broad view but he figured that now they had nothing to lose. 

When they parted the older one piped up again, "Shane's gonna fucking skin me alive." 

They were still chuckling quietly together when they went into the house. 

 

\---------------

 

Thankfully Carol was too busy bickering with Daryl to see the two sneaking up to Rick's room. It wasn't particularly uncommon for Negan to be around but this would be his second night staying over. That was uncommon. 

They undressed together and this time Rick elected to stay in just his underwear as well, a bold move that got the older one to look at him in a surprised way. 

"Well, would you look at that." Negan grinned wolfishly, eyes roaming over the other. "You're looking better and better every day I look at you. Finally getting some meat on those bones again, huh?" He reached out, warm hands at Rick's still bony hip bones. 

The younger one flushed, skin turning warm and pink. "Quiet," He muttered as Negan led him back towards the bed. Negan sat down but tugged Rick to stand between his legs. 

"I mean it," A pair of lips pressed to Rick's stomach. "Beautiful," His hands roamed over the others stomach and back. Rick's fingers tightened in Negan's hair in response. "C'mon, how about you lay down for me." 

Rick laid down, feeling clumsy while he did so but eventually he found himself laying on his back with Negan propped up slightly over him, still running his hand over Rick's torso. "Now," the other started. "I know this is gonna get you blushing like hell but I have to ask." His fingers brushed over a nipple and Rick shivered, arching just slightly into the touch. "Have you ever done anything like this before?" 

The teen blinked, "I've kissed a few times." 

Negan let out a laugh, "Christ, Rick. You really are a saint. I meant sex, sweetheart. Have you had sex before?" 

That really did get Rick's cheeks to fire up and he shook his head, "No-" He glared at Negan's laughter. "But I know how to!" Embarrassment flooded his system and Negan seemed to take notice. 

"Hey, hey," He soothed. "I'm not making fun of you. Your answer was just cute, alright? I won't laugh, I'm not laughing." He felt himself grinning and he leaned his head down, kissing the other. Then his tone turned serious, "We don't have to do that type of stuff, yeah? I'm not pushing you. Not ever. We can go to sleep, I'm not expecting anything." 

The words were so sincere and they made Rick turn lax in his arms. 

"Kiss me?" Rick asked softly. His answer came in a toothy grin and lips pressed against his own.

Negan didn't push. He just kissed Rick, hands wandering but never going in the area that was covered by those briefs. As time went by Rick felt a strain in his underwear, finding himself a whimpering mess in Negan's arms. "Negan," He huffed, trying to tug the other closer. 

"Hm?" 

"C-- Closer, it's okay, I promise."

Negan had never hesitated with any of his other sexual partners but again, Rick was different. Rick had always been different. He nuzzled his nose against the crook of the teens neck before sucking a spot there, groaning himself when Rick bucked his hips, an unmistakable hardness brushing against his own. He looked at the other and found Rick's lips a red color from being bitten at, his curls a damned mess on his head. 

"I'm sure," He gave one last tug at Negan's shoulders and then just like that, Negan's self control was lost.

Negan settled closer, pushing Rick completely on his back and settled himself between his thighs, one elbow by Rick's head. His hand smoothed down to Rick's hip, coaxing them into the right rhythm to move against his own hips. "Just like that," He breathed out. "You're doing so good, Rick." He fused their mouths together, kissing messily as they moaned.

Then Rick's hips grinded against his own faster, without rhythm and now with a more desperate edge to them. "I -- " 

"C'mon, sweetheart. It's okay." 

Rick's head pressed back against the pillow, eyes slamming shut while he whimpered as he came, "Negan."

Negan stayed close, turning his thrusts shallow against the others hip for now. His other hand smoothed through Rick's hair, pressing caring kissing down his jaw and to his neck. 

When Rick came back to his senses he was mortified, bringing up one hand to cover his face. "God, I can't believe I did that," He groaned. "I.. You didn't even.. I was supposed to last longer," His face was tinged with embarrassment. 

Negan chuckled, and he thrust against Rick's hip. "Don't worry about me, alright? I'm still good to go. And I wanted you to let go, nothing to be ashamed of." 

The older one spent the rest of the night showing Rick that, smudging his skin in kisses and eventually he released against Rick's hip, grinding slow and steady. By the end of it all the two were a sweaty mess but neither of them minded, cleaning each other off as good as they could before falling asleep. 

 

\---------------

 

The next morning was hard. 

Rick nearly overslept. He woke up to boots clunking around their house and that reminded himself that he was supposed to leave today. He raced around, taking a small shower and throwing on some clothes, packing other supplies in a bag. 

Negan stirred on the bed, hair a mess with the sheets pooling around his hips. "W's happenin'?" 

"I have to go. The trip's today, I overslept. I have to leave now," He rushed around pushing his feet into his boots. 

"Leave?" Negan sat up. The look on his face nearly convinced Rick to forget about the trip. 

The teen came close and sat at the edge of his bed. "I'll be back, alright? I promise. I promise I'll be back." 

Negan was silent, face stormy and he only pulled Rick into a lingering kiss. One that was hard, nearly hurt but he would remember it for the rest of the morning. He was sure that Negan had been hoping for that. 

"I'll be back," He breathed out against Negan's lips one last time. "And you're gonna be here when I get back." 

Negan had an odd look in his eyes and he nodded, "Sure thing, Grimes." His voice was rough in the morning but his tone was quiet.

In a span of a minute Rick had left the house, saying goodbye to Carol and Daryl before racing out of the house to meet with Shane and the others. Negan was left in the bed, sneaking out a half hour later as he tried to hide the pitiful expression on his face.

 

\---------------

 

Their group stayed away for around a week and a half. Most of it was traveling. They drove until a certain point and from there they walked. 

One the first night, Rick missed Negan and his family. On the second night, Rick missed his bed. On the third night, he couldn't get the man out of his head that they'd shot that morning. He'd been a lunatic, most likely from too much time on his own. Separation from civilization for too long had draw backs, it seemed. Shane was the one who shot him, the man dropping dead with a bloody axe in his hands. 

Rick had been ordered to search through the mans pockets. He didn't show his crumbling expression as he stared at the contents of the mans pockets. A lighter, an old playing card and a knife sharpener. It was all that was left of the mans life. Three items. 

On the fourth night they stayed in what Shane called a hotel. It was an odd building, each room filled with beds. A herd passed by, a small one but they all spent the night in silence. Their days went on like that until they finally found what they were looking for. Each of the pharmacy's were picked through but one. The small building had given them plenty of medication to take home, giving both the Saviors and the Alexandrians hope. 

Carol was there to greet them when they got home. The old woman was standing with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed but her lips tilted up when they came through the gates. "You're back," She greeted. 

Shane grinned, "Course we're back, woman. Had Ricky with me, told you I'd be extra careful." 

Rick glared, shoving at the older man. 

Shane only laughed, "I'm only kidding halfway." His hand came out, fatherly and landing on the back of his neck. "You did alright out there." 

That got Rick to give a slight smile, laughing along and pulling Carol into a gentle hug. Daryl, as pissed as he'd been before, came out greet the others as well. 

Morgan soon started sorting through some of the medicine with Arat. "We'll get this sorted so you all can take this back to the Sanctuary. I'm sure you're wanting to get back." The man looked at the sky, "It's gonna be dark in a few hours. You're welcome to stay." 

The woman shook her head, "I'd rather get to the Sanctuary. Make sure Negan hasn't burned anything down." 

At the mention of Negan Rick perked up, looking to Carol. "How are things? Have you heard anything?" 

Carol seemed to tense lightly, lips pressing together.

A sense of dread filled his gut, "What? Something wrong?"

Daryl was the one who spoke up, eyes hardened. "Something started over at the Sanctuary. Ain't as widespread or bad as what we had here but last I heard Negan was laid up with it." The teen shifted on his feet. "He's sick."

 

\---------------

 

The ride to the Sanctuary felt nearly longer than the week and a half trip that Rick had just went through. 

His mind kept flashing back to the day when Negan had helped clean out the sick house, not wearing a mask of any sort. It couldn't be from then, could it? It could have easily been from anything. Contaminated water, too many people crowded together and sharing germs, spoiled food. Each scenario in his head was worse than the last. 

As soon as Rick was in the building he marched straight up to Simon, "Where is he?" 

The man was at a table, frowning down at his plate of beans. The leader looked up, cocking a brow. "And who are you here to see?" 

The teen groaned, "Simon, you know who I'm here to see. Where's he at?"

Simon gave a long sigh. "He told me to not let you in if you came. He's afraid that he's contagious." 

"Is he?" 

"Does is matter?" The man asked.

Rick's head shook, "Either way I'm going to see him. I'll find him, too. I know where his room is." 

That seemed to make Simon give up overall. "Alright.. Alright.. " He spoke, waving his hand. "He's in his room. He's running a fever."

Rick didn't stay to hear the rest. 

 

\---------------

 

Negan was unconscious when Rick got into the room. Dwight was in a nearby chair, frowning at the unmoving figure on the bed. His head jerked up to look at Rick nervously, eyes wide and buggy. 

Rick walked over, "How long's he been like this?" His fingers twitched at his sides. Negan's body was burning up. The sheets were only at his waist and there was a cold towel pressed to his forehead and stomach. 

"He's had the fever for a few days. He's only been out of it for a this past day. He goes in and out of it."

The teen sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at Negan. His stomach was twisting up horribly and he couldn't make his heart stop thudding so fast. 

"He said that you'd come. He said to not let you in." 

Rick looked at Dwight, "Simon said the same thing too. Neither of you stopped me." 

Dwight shrugged, eyes tipped down for a moment. "You're good for him." 

He slipped his hand through Negan's clammy one, swallowing hard. "Yeah, I hope so."

The rest of the day was spent in silence. Shane stopped by briefly to tell Rick that he'd be staying at the Sanctuary until Rick left. The man had come along with him, not wanting him to make the trip alone. 

"You sure you're gonna be alright in here with him?" Shane had asked, frowning. 

Rick only nodded his head, staring down at Negan and his joined hands. Then he remembered that he was not the only one in the room. He glanced up at Shane, wary eyes peeking at him. 

Shane only snorted and shook his head, "Go on, hold his hand." At the surprised look his head shook again. "What, you thought I didn't notice? Knew this was gonna happen from the time you turned sixteen. Can't say I won't threaten him when he's awake.. But go on." 

It was enough for then, Rick sending him a grateful look before Shane had left. 

They'd forced some medicine into Negan when he'd been half awake and nearly delirious with his fever, convinced that this was all only a dream. Rick kept changing out the towels and keeping fluids nearby in case Negan woke up again but it didn't happen. He was the one to stay for the night, curled up in one of the chairs and staring as Negan slept. His eyes focused on the up and down of his chest before he himself fell asleep.

 

\---------------

 

Rick woke up to something wet hitting his neck. He sat up quick, wincing from the odd position that he'd fell asleep in. He frowned, forcing his eyes open to feel the wetness on his neck and the weight in his lap. It was a towel. The red towel that he'd put on Negan's forehead. 

Rick looked up so fast that he was sure he would crack his own neck, eyes wide. Negan was awake and sitting up, cracked lips stretched into a wide smile. 

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes," He broke into a serious of coughs. 

"You're-- "

"Yeah, darlin', I'm awake." 

Rick stared. 

"What, you aren't gonna say hello?" 

Before Rick knew it he was on his feet and throwing himself at the other, hugging tight. Negan pressed his face into his curls, "Told the others to keep you away. Stupid fuckers, never listen." 

Rick pressed his face against Negan's throat, "Don't. Don't ever tell them to keep me away. Promise me." He felt a sigh and a pair of lips against his scull. 

"I promise. Never again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Sexual scene ahead!
> 
> Heads up, this story may be ending soon. As in possibly in 2 more chapters though I'm unsure. Thanks a bunch for everything, hope you guys like this chapter! :)


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When I'm old. When I'm gray. It's not that far off, you know."

That year had taken a toll on them all. Food was scarce and sickness was plentiful. The communities lost more people than they had in a long time. There was no instant solution and the hardships lasted longer than that year. But there was hope. Hope when the first plant in the Sanctuary's garden grew, and when their pig at Alexandria gave birth to healthy piglets. The small things made it feel like they were winning. 

There was always a constant in Rick's life, no matter how much this person doubted themselves, they were always there. This person came in the form of a leather jacket and a baseball bat. They fought like cats and dogs, but in the end the truth held out.

 

\---------------

 

"Are you still gonna want me when I'm old?"

They were at the Sanctuary and in Negan's room. The morning had settled a silence over the community and a chill was in the air. 

The twenty two year old furrowed his brow from where his face was pressed against Negan's bare chest. "What are you talking about?" 

"When I'm old. When I'm gray. It's not that far off, you know."

Rick groaned and closed his eyes, "You're twenty eight, Negan."

"Hey! I have a valid point. Why are you avoiding the question?"

The younger one turned away and off of the chest to curl on his other side, "It's too early for this."

He could hear a shocked gasp following and Negan curled up right behind him, bare body's touching. His hand smoothed up and down Rick's stomach, fingers brushing his chest and down below his belly button where a light dusting of hair grew. The older one smirked as Rick gave a whine and pushed into the touch. He decided to take mercy on him and wrapped his hand fully around the half hard cock, eliciting a louder whine from Rick. 

"Quit. I thought we were fighting about you being old." The comment earned Rick a pinch to the stomach to which he yelped at. Rick eventually turned in the arms, an exasperated look on his face but his eyes held a touch of amusement in them. "I won't get tired of you when you're old, alright? I won't be far behind you. It's only six years." 

Negan grumbled, "Still." 

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Dwight talking about how you'll be turning thirty in two years, does it?" Silence followed and eventually Rick snorted once he had his answer. "C'mere, old man. Let me kiss you."

Negan growled, shoving Rick playfully so his back was straight against the mattress. They spent the rest of the morning kissing until Negan's duties called him away and Rick got ready, leaving off for Alexandria. 

 

\---------------

 

The days were already starting to get shorter and the chill was starting to get more prominent. The farming season was over with and they'd canned up as much of their vegetables as they could, preserving their food for the months to come. 

Rick stood by the barn and fed the horses, a worn jacket on his shoulders. A chestnut colored mare came up, huffing and nudging at Rick. 

"Settle down, girl," He murmured with a slight smile. "You'll get your food." His fingers pet through her dark mane, working out any tangles as best as he could. The mare was not settled and paced around in her pen, obviously discontented by the lack of space for her to run. The young man sighed and gave her side a pat. "I know, I know. I'll take you out later today." 

An hour later Rick was walking the horse out with him, saddle and all through the community. 

"Where in the hell do you think you're taking that horse, Rick Grimes?" Shane hollered from where he was sitting on a porch and reassembling a gun of his. 

Rick only gave a smile and shook his head, not bothering with arguing about how he was an adult, twenty two years old, and could take a horse out when he wanted. "Out." He hollered back, nodding to the guard at the front gate to let them through. "She's getting restless and so am I. We'll be back soon." 

Rick took the usual route that he did with his horse, letting her blow off steam with running her way through a field but making her go slow when they got onto a path that was thinner and full of sticks and leaves, traveling through the forest. He found himself humming an old song that one of the girls in the community had been singing. He kept on like that for awhile before he noticed imprints in the ground. 

It had rained a few days ago, nothing that made the ground messy and muddy but there were lasting imprints if you pressed hard enough. Boot imprints were in the ground, leading off until the grass got thicker, covering up any marks in the ground. 

Rick's body stiffened. Those couldn't have been left there too long ago. His fingers twitched on the reigns and moved, ghosting over his gun before he heard a gun shot crack off. It was close to him, hitting the tree next to him. His horse roared, rearing up and kicking her front legs. 

"Damn it," He hissed, fingers petting over her neck as soothingly as he could. "Calm, calm," He held the reigns tightly, trying to keep her from running off. Thankfully she was conditioned to hearing gun fire so it didn't spook her too horribly. 

Rick's body was tense and he looked around with panicked eyes, staying lower on his horse. If he ran the person could easily shoot him. They'd shown that with the warning shot. 

"Please," A voice rang out. "Please don't reach for your gun again.. " 

Rick let out a harsh breath and settled his hand on his thigh instead, the other holding at his reigns. 

"I guess it doesn't really matter. I only have one more bullet left," The voice spoke again. Rick stayed silent, looking around into the forest. "I don't want to hurt you. I've just been watching. You, your people. Trying to decide. I've come across communities like yours before.. They aren't always the types that people want to join." 

From Rick's right side there was a crash and for a moment he thought it was an ambush but he was wrong. It was a walker that had gone unnoticed because of his current situation. It was lunging at him, too fast, too close. 

Its head splattered open, blood spraying everywhere. 

Rick stared with wide eyes and looked towards where a man was standing with his gun raised. Gradually the stranger let his arm down and dropped the gun, bullets gone from it. 

Shock was making its way through Rick's body. This stranger had used his last bullet to save him. A person that he didn't know. A person that he was trying to keep from harm. 

He waited a moment or two, eyes glancing over the man. His face seemed young but his beard hid it in a way that made him look older, the hair on his head matted and brown. He was covered in dirt and had an unhinged look in his eyes. Silence settled over the pair for long minutes before Rick finally spoke up. 

"I'm Rick Grimes."

 

\---------------

 

"You can't just do that, Rick!" 

"Why not?" 

"Because! Did it ever cross your mind that he might be.. Oh, I don't know, dangerous?" Negan huffed like a bull. 

"That thought left my head the moment he used his last bullet to kill a walker that was lunging at me." Rick glared at the older one, both squaring off in the middle of the street. 

It hadn't taken long for Negan to find out about Alexandria's new guest. He'd only been in the community for a total of ten minutes before he'd been told by Shane and had actually seen the man. Peter was his name. 

The stranger was making an effort to stay in the community but he was a bit unhinged like Rick had thought when he'd first met the man. Earlier that morning he'd nearly attacked someone on the street that had surprised him with a clap to the shoulder, sending him back to some memory that tortured him. At least that's what Rick could assume by the way Peter had yelled names that he'd never heard before and was wild, shoving people away and swinging around his knife until Rick stepped in. 

Rick had gotten himself a cut to the arm because of it but all in all, it'd been worth it. Peter had been apologetic, spewing desperate pleas after he'd realized what he'd done. 

"He shot at you first. That doesn't make it okay. He fucking cut you with his knife, that sure as hell isn't okay." 

"It was a warning shot, Negan. Shane's just making it sound worse than what it is. And him with that knife was a mistake. He.. His head got a little turned around is all, we fixed it now." 

Negan grit his teeth, "How'd you fix it, huh? Give him a pat on the back and told him that it was okay? Do you think it's just okay to bring strangers in here?" 

A few people were gathered around at their porches, watching but not intervening. 

"What would you have us do? Never take in anymore people? That's not the way we do things," Rick took a calming breath. "Besides.. He's not going to hurt anyone. I'm escorting him around town for these first few weeks until we get to know him better." 

At that Negan's eyes got wide and the vein on his forehead seemed to throb. "Well, fuck that! That is so not happening, Rick! He already nearly took your arm off with his knife, what is he gonna do next?" 

Rick didn't see the point in continuing the argument, especially with so many ears around and so he turned and walked away only for his arm to be grabbed at again and pulled back. 

"Don't walk away. You can't just do things like that, you can't trust everyone that you find. How could you be so.. So.. " 

The younger one stared with a clenched jaw, nearly daring Negan to continue. 

"So stupid." Negan spit out. "You shouldn't make friends with everyone that you meet in the woods. I'm thinking maybe I made that mistake too." 

As soon as the words left Negan's mouth he regret them, especially when he saw the look on Rick's face. He looked crumpled, blue eyes wide in disbelief and hurt. With a hard yank Rick pulled his arm out of Negan's grasp and started walking again, up towards the porch and into the house.

"Wait, Rick- Shit, c'mere." He followed only to have a door slammed shut in his face and a lock being clicked. 

Negan groaned and let his head thud against the door before looking back onto the street. Some of the people were still looking but their looks shied away when Negan scowled at them. 

Morgan was nearby, a disappointed look on his face. "C'mon, Negan. We ought to be getting you back to the Sanctuary." 

For once Negan kept his mouth shut and he walked off, his scowl still on his face as he left the walls. 

 

\---------------

 

"You in need of some company?" It was a high, soft voice that spoke. 

The girls blonde hair was falling over her shoulders and her body was hardly covered in a skimpy dress. A dress that wasn't practical in any way, especially not now when it was so cold out. 

Negan looked back down to his half empty bottle of whiskey and he couldn't stop his blunt words. "You asking me if I want to have sex?" 

It earned him a fake, high pitched giggle from the girl that he couldn't remember a name for. "That depends on your reaction to the offer." 

He couldn't look up from his whiskey. Instead he tightened his fingers around the bottle as if it was his last comfort in the world. After returning from Alexandria he'd gotten drunk as fast as he could. He found himself on one of the terraces, legs swinging off the edge as he sat with his arm looped through a guard rail. 

He couldn't forget the look on Rick's face.

Even now he could only think about those watery blue eyes and curly head of hair. He thought about in the early mornings, kissing and working in a quickie, he thought about them grasping at each other in panic after a walker herd had torn through the Sanctuary about a year back, desperate and bloody, making sure they were both okay. He thought about the hurtful words that he'd let spill. 

Negan didn't know why he was so mean, it seemed to be the one thing that he was good at. 

Fingers touched his thigh, "I lost you there for a moment. So.. What do you say? Hm?" 

Negan looked at the girl. She was pretty. He knew that she probably didn't even want to fuck him for good reasons, either. Probably some fucked up power complex since he was steadily on his way to being the Sanctuary's leader after Simon got too old for it. 

Her fingers crept higher up on his thigh. 

He's better off without you, a voice in his head whispered. 

Her fingers made it to his belt buckle. 

You've hurt him too much already, just let him go, the voice said again. 

Her fingers slipped up his shirt and settled on his chest. 

A vision of Rick popped into his mind from the week before. Rick was straddling his thighs and grinning so brightly. The younger one had leaned down and kissed him on his chin of all places, peeking up with fond eyes.

"I love you," Rick had murmured. 

Negan had given a grin in return, "I love you too, sweetheart. Now give me an actual kiss." 

All of a sudden Negan jerked to the present and pushed the girl away. "Get the fuck off," He snarled and lumbered to his feet, swaying in his drunkenness. 

He needed to get away. He needed to leave. 

Negan walked for a long time, or what felt like a long time, away from the girl and down a stair case that had been attached to the terrace. 

Once in the grass he chucked the bottle of whiskey away, distantly hearing it shatter. Feeling sick with what he'd nearly done, Negan doubled over and emptied out the contents of his stomach. 

 

\---------------

 

The next day Negan was downright volatile to be around. 

Simon was busy and had put him in charge. It was nothing new and it was something that had been done many times before but this was different. Negan was hung over and on the edge of sizzling irritation. He'd marched out sometime in the late afternoon to find Dwight hanging around near the gate with a few others, horses saddled up and standing near. 

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" His voice rang out and quieted everyone in the yard. 

Dwight squinted over at him, confusion written over his face. "We're going out on a run." 

Negan scoffed, "What, you didn't think to run that by me first? Give me a heads up?" 

The blonde blew out a breath, "You aren't the boss yet, Negan. Don't let it get to your head." 

At that Negan stood stock still, rage filling him. He knew that he should walk away. This was his friend. But he couldn't. 

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" He marched up to Dwight, nearly nose to nose with him now. He could tell that Dwight was nervous but the other didn't falter. 

"You heard what I said." 

"Oh, I don't think I did. I must've misunderstood. Because, see, if you'd said that to me I might've had to readjust your face a little bit." His bat was in his hand and it nudged threateningly against Dwight's leg. 

Dwight's eyes widened, "Christ, what happened to you? Is it the power getting to your head or is it just the whiskey again? I can smell it on your breath, you prick."

With that Negan pulled his hand back and punched his friend, sending him stumbling back into the arms of the others. Negan stared at his handy work. Dwight's eyes were wide with fear and shock and there was a sluggish flow of blood coming from his nose now. 

What scared Negan the most was the feeling of satisfaction settling in his gut.

 

\---------------

 

Negan blocked everyone from his life for three days. For three days he refused speaking to anyone, Simon even being included in this until finally he came out of his room. He left early one morning, wrapped up in his leather jacket and ready for a ride to Alexandria. 

Before he left he put together a sandwich- Made out of all of Dwight's favorite toppings and he placed it inside of his friends room, careful not to disturb him before leaving. It felt like a good start on an apology. 

When he got to Alexandria not a lot of people were out yet. It made sense, really. It was colder in the mornings and farming was over with, letting people stay in the comfort of their homes for awhile longer if they could afford it.

As he walked through the streets Daryl passed him by. 

"Hey," He called. 

Daryl kept walking.

"Hey," He repeated.

And that little shit kept walking. With an annoyed roll of his eyes Negan snatched up the teen by the back of his shirt and pulled him away. 

"What the-- You best lemme go --" 

"Quit squirming you little shit," Negan growled and shoved the boy against the wall. "Now, here's how this is gonna go. You're gonna tell me where Rick is." 

Daryl looked up at him, "Where the fuck do you think he is? He's at the house, you dumb shit." The teen pushed his hands away and put space between them, picking his crossbow up. No matter how many years Negan had been around the two never seemed to get along. 

"Look, that's not what I meant. I .. " Negan groaned and pinched at the bridge of his nose. "Is he.. " 

With that Daryl smirked in a way that reminded Negan of pure evil. "What, are you asking how he is? 'Cause last time I checked he was doing pretty shitty. Heard that's because of you." 

Negan glared at the other in response. "Do you think he'd.. " He started after a pause. 

"Think he'd talk to you again?" Daryl asked. "Course he will. He's a dumbass 'cause he won't stop." With that Daryl started walking away before hollering over his shoulder, "He's at the house. Probably with Peter." Negan could practically feel Daryl's smug look as the teen walked off with a skip in his step. 

Well, Negan certainly had something to say about that. 

 

\---------------

 

"Rick?" 

Negan wasted no time in barging into the house that was thankfully unlocked. Carol was at the kitchen table and holding a cup of tea, only raising a brow at him when he entered. 

"Where's Rick? I need to talk to him." 

Carol didn't have a chance to answer before the man himself walked in. 

Rick held himself stiffly, arms crossed in the doorway that led to the kitchen. "What're you doing here?" The younger one asked. A moment later a second person fell into step behind him. It was the man. Peter. 

Negan stiffened. "Need to talk to you." 

Rick's face fell for a moment and he looked to the ground before shaking his head. "I'm busy, Negan. It's gonna have to wait." 

"I won't take long," Negan supplied. 

"No, I need-- " 

Negan didn't give Rick a chance to speak more as he hooked a hand on Rick's arm and started pulling, ignoring Peter's alarmed look as he all but dragged the other away. Rick struggled the whole time, batting at his hands and squirming in the hold until they were finally up in his room. 

"Really? Did you have to do that?" 

Negan shrugged, "You wouldn't let me talk. What else was I supposed to do?"

Rick didn't answer, he only looked down at the floor again and sat down heavily on his bed. "Maybe I don't wanna hear you talk because it hurts when you do." The raw honesty in those words hurt. It was like a punch to the gut. 

Negan immediately sank to the floor and pressed himself between Rick's knees, "Hey, hey," He murmured. "C'mon, you know I didn't mean the stuff that I said." 

"Then why did you say it?" Rick's voice was nearly shaky now. "And you.. You didn't come, after. For three days." 

That got the older one to pause, frowning deeply. He felt sick again as he thought about his past days. "I had to work through some stuff." 

All of a sudden Rick's hand was on his face, gentle and cupping his jaw. "Tell me?" It was nearly like Rick was bracing himself for what he was about to hear. 

"I.. I made some mistakes, Rick." The thumb on his cheek brushed over his stubble. 

"I can't take any of it back. None of it. And I don't know how to stop myself." Negan's throat felt tight. "Some girl tried to fuck me," He blurted out. 

After that he couldn't stop. 

"She had her hand up my shirt and I was drunk. I couldn't stop thinking about you. Nothing happened, nothing happened at all but I .. " His voice turned shaky. "I kept thinking about you. Us. I thought that maybe-- " He sucked in a breath. "I would never, ever. I won't ever let it get that far ever again, do you hear me? I could never regret you. Never." Rick had long turned stiff and Negan's hands were more desperate now, stroking over Rick's sides with a hint of panic in them. 

"I- Baby, please. Look at me?" Watery blue eyes flickered to his. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that sorry doesn't fix anything," His face pressed against Rick's shoulder. "And I fuckin' punched Dwight. I liked it, too. I like it. Power. I like it too much and I keep doing things that I know I shouldn't but I don't stop myself and -- " Negan's voice broke off. 

There was nothing more to say. Very slowly arms came up to wrap around him. Fingers sank into his hair and there was a pair of lips against his head. Negan gave a cry of relief and he hugged Rick to him tighter, apologies spilling over his lips again and again.

Rick's words rang in his head, "You didn't do anything with her. You kept your promise. You walked away, Negan." And then, "You can fix things with Dwight. I know you can."

Time went by and soon enough they'd been in Rick's room for an hour. They were on the bed and facing each other, not touching except for Rick's hand that was out, tracing across the features of Negan's face. 

"You know, this all started because of Peter," Rick started. "I'm sorry, too. For not talking to you about it before you heard about the incident from the others." His finger brushed over the swell of Negan's lip. "But I won't take back what I said about him. He's a good guy. You'd know that if you gave him a chance."

Negan sighed but nodded, pressing his face into the hand like a cat might, or rather how Socks did. "I can't say that I'll stop. I worry about you. You're so.. You're different. With people. And maybe that's the way we need to be with people but I just can't see it that way right now." Negan's eyes slipped shut and he stayed quiet for a long time. "I think I want to stay at Alexandria more often. With you and the others." 

Rick's eyes went wide, looking at the other in alarm. 

"I can't lead the Sanctuary after Simon gives it up. It's doing ugly things to me, having that power. I don't wanna find out what else it can do." The older one let out a long breath, "The Sanctuary's still my home. And I still want to be in charge but not.. Not alone." 

Rick was still staring at him in that surprised way. His fingers came out, threading through Negan's hair and he pulled the others face against his neck. "Alright. We'll figure it out," He murmured. "You're a good man, Negan." 

Then Negan spoke in a smaller voice. "I'm gonna be better. For you and the others." His lips pressed against Rick's neck. "For you. I'm gonna be better." 

A small smile grew on Rick's face but he stayed silent, finding it that he still believed in Negan after all this time.

"I know, Negan. I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I rewrote this like a thousand times so I'm not real sure how it turned out. All I know that I have one more chapter left to write! Hope you all liked it, one last chapter before it ends! The support means so much :)


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm here, Negan. I'm here."

Simon and Negan walked the pathway that overlooked the Sanctuary. People were bustling around them, hardly taking notice of the two that were perched atop, looking down on everyone. 

"You know, there was a time when these people kneeled at a leaders presence." 

Negan looked over, brow raised with a slow smirk coming to his face. He remembered that vaguely. He'd been younger but the memories were there. Halfway and fuzzy, but there. He hummed, imagining all of those people kneeling for him. Treating him like a God.

"Isn't that a thought," He murmured with intrigue, his sharp eyes roaming over the crowds. 

"It can be yours one day. This whole palace," Simon grinned and made a dramatic motion with his hand, showcasing the Sanctuary. "It could be yours. It's set to be yours." His hand came down on the back of Negan's neck, squeezing in a fatherly way. 

Negan wouldn't lie. The idea was appealing.

But then he looked closer. He could see an old man whittling, trying to calm his shaky fingers. He could see a mother with a child. He could see Dwight and Sherry standing near, Dwight staring at her as if she had hung the moon. Just like that the appeal was gone and his stomach twisted. He didn't want these people kneeling for him. He didn't want them afraid. There were people that deserved to be afraid. People that he would not hesitate swinging his bat at or throwing them into one of their isolation rooms but these people, the innocent ones.. They didn't deserve that. 

The man sighed, annoyed with his own morals. Things would be easier if he didn't care. He could nearly see Rick's disapproving face in his mind right now. 

"I can't."

Simon turned, gaping at him. "What do you mean you can't?" 

"I meant what I fucking said, Simon. I can't." Negan snapped. 

The older one didn't miss a beat in responding, "You wanna tell me why? Especially when I invested so much time into you? Negan, I've promised you.. The good life! I've promised you the right to be a leader! That's what you've wanted. That's what you've always wanted." 

Negan gave a groan, "I just can't, alright? It.. I don't do well with this. With power. And I'm not gonna be the one to fuck this up. I want to lead, I'm not taking that back but I'm not doing it alone." 

"And who do you want to lead with you, huh? I'm not trusting this place to just anyone." Simon's expression fell. "Don't tell me you want baby Grimes to do it." 

The term always caught Negan off guard but it occurred to him that Simon had most likely known Rick's father. They probably hadn't been on the best of terms, or it may have been when they were just trying to make a treaty but either way, Simon had known Rick's father. 

"Not Rick," Negan shook his head. "No, I have another guy in mind." His eyes landed on Dwight and he smirked. "I have a few, actually. You just leave this up to me, Simon." 

With that Negan clapped the other on the shoulder and left, bustling down the stairs and swinging his bat around like he usually did. 

 

\---------------

 

Negan didn't want to return to Alexandria until he had everything figured out. Simon wasn't stepping down yet. The man claimed that he was still in his prime, his wonder years, but Negan knew better. The man probably had another ten years of leading in him tops and then he'd most likely get tired of it and step down. He'd spoken to Dwight and Arat about his ideas, about leading together. The other two had been surprised and Dwight had downright thought that it had been a cruel joke but after reassurances and some slight begging, they were on board. They would lead together, the three of them. 

Negan found himself whistling and in a good mood while he walked through the streets of Alexandria. He swung his bat around to the tune that he was whistling, nodding to the people that he passed, even the ones that only gave him the stink eye in return. However his whistling tapered off and fell flat when he spotted Rick. 

The younger one was working on the new barn that they were building with a few others. Shane, Morgan and Peter. 

Really there was no reason for him to be angry or jealous of Peter. None. Of course Peter had slashed at Rick with a knife. He'd made him bleed. And that was uncool. There had been an explanation, something lengthy about Peter possibly having mental issues- Negan glossed over it quickly. What had irked him was that Peter followed Rick around a lot. It was irrational to be this protective and jealous. Negan know that. He got that. He just wasn't going to stop it. 

"Rick!" He hollered, gaining attention of all of the guys there. 

Rick hissed, having hammered at his thumb instead of a nail when he'd jolted at the call of his name. "Shit," He huffed. "Really Negan?" 

Negan grinned and stepped forward, "C'mon, now. That was an accident. I didn't mean for you to hit your poor thumb- Which was caused by your clumsiness, really." 

Rick stepped closer, glaring yet he still came closer. He was inspecting the thumb that looked pink, bordering on red now. 

"Shit, baby. You really are clumsy," Negan snatched up the hand. 

"Is there a reason you made me hammer my thumb?"

"Don't get all grumpy," The older one lifted the thumb to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss there.

From that Rick softened, shaking his head with a slight smile. "Missed you." 

"Missed you too. Didn't want to stay away for so long but I had to get shit done." 

"Important shit?" 

Negan smirked, "The mouth on you. I'm beginning to think I'm a bad influence." Then his expression sobered slightly, "Good stuff. I'll talk to you about it later. For now I just want a proper greeting." 

Rick turned wary, cocking a brow. "Proper?" 

Negan leaned in to kiss the other, releasing his thumb so his hands could hold onto Rick's hips and tug him closer. It wasn't chaste or sweet. This was lingering and probably way more than anyone wanted to see. He ended the kiss with a nip to Rick's bottom lip, leaving the younger one looking flushed and red lipped. 

"Negan." He blushed, eyes slightly wide.

"I didn't hear you complaining. In fact I think I heard you moan-- "

Rick had hit his shoulder then, cheeks positively red. 

"Alright, alright. You get back to your building thing. I'll be waiting for you." 

With that Negan leaned in for one last kiss before stepping away, nodding towards Morgan and Shane who were both looking not surprised but still exasperated by their show of affection. And yes, maybe it had felt good to do that in front of Peter, he thought to himself. 

Negan walked away with a skip in his step.

 

\---------------

Rick was laid out on his stomach, arms crossed and his face tucked in them. Meanwhile Negan was propped up beside him and trailing his fingertips up and down his bare back. The fingertips pressed down on a certain spot, eliciting a groan from him. 

"That feel good?" 

Rick could almost hear the smirk in Negan's voice. He only hummed in return, trying to slyly scoot his body closer.

"I know what you're doing," Negan dipped his head down, pressing a kiss or two against Rick's shoulder blades. "C'mon, I asked a question." Teasing fingertips dipped below the sheets where he was also bare, smoothing over his ass. 

Rick shivered, "You already know it feels good."

The older one chuckled and his fingertips dipped down further, rubbing against Rick's abused entrance that was warm to the touch and slippery with lube. Rick whined and squirmed away, causing another chuckle from the other. 

"Quit it," Rick's hand came out and shoved lightly at Negan's chest, rolling onto his side. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," He spoke in a non apologetic tone. "C'mere, Ricky." His arm wrapped around him and tugged. They were soon chest to chest and Rick was grinning, staring at Negan. His fingers pushed through the others dark hair, tangling in the strands. 

"Love you," He murmured.

"Love you too." Negan's expression sobered. "I've been meaning to run something by you." 

"Yeah?" 

"We.. We have to stop doing this."

Rick frowned, "Doing what?" 

"Having sex in a random house." 

All at once Rick's chest deflated, worry gone as he cracked a smile. "That's what you're worked up about?"

"Rick, we never have sex at your house. Only mine. And I get it, okay? You're the perfect little gentleman that doesn't want any old ladies to hear us but we can't keep going on like this. I want to have sex and I want to lay down and go to sleep. I don't like having to walk back to your house afterwards. Why can't we just get a place together?" 

Rick's eyes widened. "Negan.. " 

"Yeah, I fucking said it. Ball's in your court. What're you gonna do?" 

The younger one blinked, facial expression morphing into confusion. "The ball's in my .. What?" 

Negan groaned, shaking his head. "Never mind, baby. It was an expression, I'll explain it later. Yes or no?" 

"We have to talk, I mean-- Would it be here or at the Sanctuary or - " 

"Doesn't matter. We'll figure it out later. Yes or no?" 

Slowly Rick smiled and he nodded his head. "Yes." 

 

\---------------

 

It was no surprise to anyone when they moved in together. They'd talked it over for so long, pouring over details until Negan was groaning with frustration. In the end they decided on a home in Alexandria. Negan had already explained that he didn't want to be the leader in the Sanctuary, just one of the leaders. Rick on the other hand was steadily becoming one of the main voices of Alexandria. 

Negan was the one that chose the house. Coincidentally it ended up being the spare house that they'd been sneaking out to in order to have sex. 

The older one grinned, Lucille in his hand as he walked up to the yard. "White picket fence and everything," His hand smoothed over the little fence at the entrance. "What do you think? Am I gonna fit in here?" 

Negan turned to look at Rick. He was in his leather jacket and his bat still had blood from the last walker that he'd killed. He looked out of place next to the small, cute gate and the flower beds.

Rick grinned, shaking his head. "No." 

"Guess you've got me there. I'm not the upstanding citizen that Rick Grimes is." 

"I'm not-- " 

Negan's gaze turned serious and fond. "You are. Now c'mon, we have some tables and couches to christen." 

They walked into the house hand and hand, Negan placing his baseball bat in a little bin where umbrellas were supposed to go and Rick let his machete fall there too before laying his gun on the kitchen table. 

 

\---------------

 

Death still happened and Rick learned that it was inevitable. It always happened and you could only hope that you'd let the person know how you felt about them and that you'd done all that you could for them when they died. Of course Negan always took a different approach by saying 'it fucking happens, you can't get hung up on it.' 

Things changed when Simon left them. 

Rick hadn't been there but Dwight had and the blonde had explained it to him when only two of the three that had left came back. Rick recalled the conversation when he'd been pulled aside as soon as he'd stepped into the Sanctuary. 

Dwight's hand was light on his arm to stop him from going further, a sorrowful look in his eyes. "I know you heard." 

Rick had pressed his lips into a frown, "We all did. And we're all sorry that we heard. We know what he meant to you all." He'd taken a step back before Dwight had intervened again. 

"Negan, he's-- " 

"He's hurting." 

"You didn't see it." 

"I didn't need to." 

"Rick, " 

"He's your friend," Rick's final words got the older one to still before sighing. 

"It was a guy in the woods. He was scared, I think. We'd gone after him after we heard him rustling around. When he shot Simon he looked nearly.. Surprised. Like he didn't believe that he'd done it. He dropped the gun and Negan went after him. Bashed his scull in with his bat. His face was mush. There was nothing left of him, just pieces of skin stuck to Lucille." The gory details made Rick's skin crawl. 

"You blame him for doing that?" Rick asked, head cocked slightly. 

Dwight looked down at his feet, "No." And then firmer, "No. I'm just saying he's not himself. Be careful." 

Dwight had been right in a sense. 

Rick had gone to Negan's room in the Sanctuary that he still kept there and hadn't knocked before walking in. The place was destroyed. A mess. The bed was torn open, the sheets were ripped, his shelves were thrown across the room. Negan was sitting at the far wall, a bottle of whiskey in his hands. It was nearly empty. 

"Negan," He breathed out. 

The mans head jerked up, eyes blood shot and glaring. "Go away, Rick." 

Rick ignored this and went closer, stopping short when Negan's look turned worse with a clenched jaw and a venomous expression. "Get the fuck out." 

"Negan, please.. " 

"Get out!" Came Negan's yell. It made Rick startle, stepping back once before clenching his jaw and taking his step forward again.

"You don't have to do this. This isn't you, this- " 

"Who says?" 

"What?"

"Who says it isn't me? Because I'll tell ya what, this feels a hell of a lot like me, Rick. This is me." 

Rick stared. 

After a moment or two Negan's loud voice dampened. "I bet Dwighty boy told you, huh? About how I split that guys head open like a melon." 

Rick bent down and met the others eyes, voice soft. "Yeah, he told me." 

"Then why are you still here?" 

"We've all done the worst kinds of things. We can come back from it," He looked at the other, hating how broken the man before him looked. "I don't blame you for doing that, Negan. No one does. I care about you, that's why I'm here." 

Negan only stared back, allowing the other to slowly pry the bottle out of his hands. Rick sat next to him, tossing the bottle to the side. His hand came out and laced their fingers together. He squeezed.

Negan then spoke in a broken, smaller tone that Rick hadn't heard in a very long time. "I miss the bastard already. I -- " Nothing but a choked off cry came out next. 

Rick had never once seen Negan cry. It was horrid and he felt helpless as he tucked Negan's head against his neck, soothing his fingers through the mans hair. 

"I'm here, Negan. I'm here." 

 

\---------------

 

The pair of them stayed at the Sanctuary for around a week. Most people had been shocked to learn the Negan wasn't fully taking over as leader and instead he would be sharing it with Dwight and Arat but like all things, Negan stood his ground and kept to his past words. 

Rick watched and helped where he could but he would admit that the way Negan took over and helped showed how capable he was of being a leader. Negan was more than capable really, but Rick could see already the way the man got more and more cocky throughout the week, the power puffing up his chest a bit. He didn't comment on it since Negan being cocky wasn't anything new and the other already knew that he had problems when it came to leadership. By the end of that week Negan was tense and uncharacteristically quiet, not talking much on the ride home. 

"C'mon, inside." Rick ushered the taller one into their house upon their arrival of Alexandria. Shane and Daryl had wanted to ask questions but he'd told them that they'd speak later. "Lay down." He instructed once they were inside of the house. 

Negan cocked a brow, a mildly surprised look on his face. "Someone's getting bossy. Assertive. I like," He leered good naturedly though his tiredness was seeping through his tone. 

Rick's cheeks warmed, "Hush. Now get up there," He pushed at the older one until they were in their room. 

A few minutes later found them with Negan laying on his stomach in bed with nothing but his boxers on and Rick in a similar state of dress, straddling him. His hands massaged at Negan's shoulders, working the knots out. 

"Shit, Grimes." Negan groaned. "Where the hell did you learn to do this?" 

"Daryl," He answered without thinking.

"Daryl? Should I be worried?" 

Rick snorted, "He helped me one time when I pulled a muscle in my back. Taught me a few things." 

"Again, should I be worried?" 

"You're asking me if I'm interested in my brother?" 

Negan huffed out an amused breath, "You two aren't blood related, dumbass." 

"Still my brother," Came Rick's simple answer. He dropped down, pressing a kiss to Negan's neck. "You should be nicer to him. He's the reason why we met." 

"No. The reason why we met is because you were a stubborn as shit kid who thought he had to go on a one man mission outside the walls." 

"It worked though, didn't it? I got the vest in the end." 

Negan made a noise of disapproval, "Correction, I got the vest and I gave it to you because of what a great guy I am." 

Rick gave a smile, shaking his head. "Mhm, a great guy." He slowed his hands, nose smoothing against Negan's neck. "I mean it," He murmured. "You are." 

Those words were enough to make Negan turn under the other and drag him down for a kiss. That night like many other nights they found comfort in one another, kissing until they were wound tight. 

"Need you," Negan's groaned out words came, hands tight on Rick's hips. 

"You have me," Came his response. 

It elicited a growl from Negan before he found himself on his back with his underwear being tugged down. The older one hastily spread lube on his fingers and opened Rick up. When Negan finally pushed inside they both groaned. Rick's body was flushed that lovely shade of pink, head thrown back against the pillows while Negan was trying to hold his composure, feeling raw and open from his week. 

Negan let himself fall atop of Rick, pressing his face against Rick's neck as he buried himself repeatedly into the other, hips thrusting hard and fast, fingers tight around Rick's thigh as he hiked it up. Rick moaned in pleasure, fingers twisting in Negan's hair. When they both found their release, spilling against each other, they fell into a tight embrace. 

Negan clung to him afterwards, hands soft and gentle. "Love you, I love you," The older one had whispered over and over, pressing kisses to Rick's face, neck and chest. 

The two stayed together, wrapped around each other till morning.

 

\---------------

 

Rick walked through the bean plants, fingers smoothing over the plants as he passed. He could nearly hear Herschel's voice now, instructing him on how to dig the dirt up and how to maintain the plants. 

The twenty two year old walked up to his old porch, seeing Carol there in a chair. "You'll be okay without me here?" 

The woman's sharp eyes flit over, lips slightly pulling up. "I'm old, not invalid." 

Rick cracked a smile. "I'll be leaving soon. Shouldn't be too long, only a few days. a week at the max." 

Carol looked at him before shaking her head, "I'll still be alive when you come back." The joke fell flat in Rick's eyes and he frowned at her, earning a sigh from the woman. "Oh, come here," She sighed out and when he did so she planted a kiss on his forehead. "Now get out of here, bring back something good." 

"Yes ma'am." 

Rick walked down the porch steps, looking to Daryl. "See you in a few days, brother." 

Daryl grunted but the term always made the younger one relax. "Don't get lost. Negan don't know shit about direction." 

With a shake of his head and a smile Rick walked on, nodding. "We'll try." 

Negan and Rick both got onto their horses- Negan with more difficulty than he. They were going through a shortage of gas but Rick had never minded using the horses anyways. 

"Don't go falling off," Rick told the other while they rode out of Alexandria. 

Negan huffed over at him, looking uncomfortable and unsteady on his horse. "Don't you worry about me. Just watch out and make sure you don't get scooped up by any traps. I'm getting real tired of saving your ass." 

Rick gave a laugh as the other referenced their first meeting but said nothing in return. He only sped up and left the other in the dust, grinning as he heard Negan's chuckling voice, knowing that the other would always behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life got in the way so I couldn't post this when I wanted but here it is. It's finished. I can't say thank you enough to all the people who supported me on this story that I was so unsure about in the beginning. Every kudos and comment has been so appreciated. Thank you all, I hope you enjoyed the ending! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clear any confusion up Rick is ten in this story and Negan is sixteen. Nothing romantic will happen with them while they are at this age. There will be timeskips to older ages if I continue to go on with this. 
> 
> I'm still on the fence about this fic so let me know what you think! It's much appreciated, thank you all!


End file.
